Leanne Jamieson ~ A Second Cup

Where does your worth come from?

2011-02-11T12:38:00.000-06:00

A devotional by Carlene Bexley

For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalms 139:13-18

“Mommy, do you know that your hiney wiggles when you walk?” Out of the mouth of babes! I was fixing my very observant daughter’s lunch for school one morning when out popped her observation of the day. That one, innocent (unfortunately, very accurate!) statement is enough to make a girl run straight for the gym (or a moo moo dress)! Along with it came some pretty insecure feelings about one of my “flaws,” which in turn got me thinking about the other not-so-great qualities (at least in my mind) I possess. Can anyone relate? Needless to say, I didn’t go to the gym but headed for a box of chocolates (why do we do that?!)

What are your self-proclaimed “flaws”? Is there a body part you are itching to fix? Perhaps it’s your wardrobe. Maybe it’s your house. Is it your personality? Your financial or social status? It can even be a hubby or kids. Maybe it’s your past. Do you allow these things to define who you are?

Well, do I have some good news for you! God says you are amazing. He says you are wonderful. In fact, He takes such great delight in you that He personally knit you together before you were born. He oversaw the whole process, so you were created just right. He is so crazy about you that He thinks about you all the time (Psalm139:17-18). Zephaniah 3:17 says, “The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.” You have a Creator, a Savior that delights in you. You have a Daddy God that not only delights in you, but takes great delight! You are cherished and adored by God Almighty! That’s enough to make a girl do a giddy-dance, flaws and all! So we have a choice: we can either continue to think of ourselves in a worldly, flawed way, nit-picking all the things we wish we could fix, or we can practice (it is a process) thinking and applying what the Lover of our soul thinks about us.

So when your thoughts head south about your perceived lack of worth or what you would like to fix, grab yourself some note cards and write down verses about what God thinks about you (Psalms 139 and Zephaniah 3:17 are great places to start!). Carry them with you wherever you go and meditate on what God says about you day and night. Personalize it, apply it to your particular insecurity, and make it your own. Think about it; chew on it until it becomes a part of who you are to the depths of your soul. It will bless those around you if you apply it to them too!

A favorite quote of mine comes from the book Search for Significance, by Robert S. McGee: “I have great worth apart from my performance. Christ died for me, and therefore imparted great value to me. I am deeply loved, fully pleasing, totally forgiven, accepted and complete in Christ.” If you have accepted Christ as your Lord and Savior, that is Truth for you! If not, it’s yours just for the asking! So back to my to my wiggly hiney…I have had another child since “the dreaded comment,” so my hiney wiggles even more (the things we women go through!!). But, through God’s amazing grace, I can now say “I have great worth, wiggly hiney and all!”

Spirit Hunger Week #2

2011-01-27T12:30:00.000-06:00

Numbing

A pacifiers role is to comfort, sooth, diminish crying and fussing. Adults use pacis as well: food, clothes, men, alcohol, business and control. These things are not necessarily bad. However, when the need becomes greater than the pleasure we’ve moved into chaos.

Enjoying pleasure is normal. Anything pushes us towards secrecy, anxiety or shame stems from Satan’s lie that we can feed our own appetite. We can numb ourselves in a variety of ways, but Spirit Hunger can only be filled by God himself, not by Satan’s substitutes.

Exodus 16:2-3 God brings us to knew and exciting places, but we are prone to complain. They had only been gone a few days before they desired meat and bread over freedom.

Exodus 16:4 God’s role is to feed and our role is to walk in his instruction.

The Israelites didn’t recognize God’s provision because it came in an unexpected form. They are an image of the see-saw between needs, desires, and wants - and God’s filling, protecting and engaging.

Jesus: Satan tried to numb Jesus and squeeze Him into cultural expectations. Why did Jesus need to face a temptation: see Hebrews 2:17-18. He got into life with us.

Matthew 4: Jesus quotes Deut 8:3 “And He humbled you and let you be hungry, and fed you with manna which you did not know, nor did your fathers know, that H might make you understand that man doesn’t live by bread alone, but man lives by everything that proceeds out of the mouth of the Lord.”

- He humbles us

- He lets us be hungry

- He feeds us with bread we don’t know.

He does this so we can understand that we don’t live by physical filling alone but by what He is accomplishing in our lives. The problem with counterfeit fillings is they numb us to a greater filling.

Yokes and Strongholds

The original meaning of stronghold belonged to God.

Psalm 9:9-10 The Lord will be a stronghold for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. And those who know Thy name will put their trust in You, for you, O Lord have not forsaken those who trust in you.

Psalm 59:9-10 Because of his strength I will watch for Thee, for God is my stronghold. My God, in His loving kindness will meet me; God will let me look triumphantly on my foes.

Judges 6: Gideon was an unlikely hero. He built an altar on top of what’s been a stronghold.

What are strongholds in your life.

Look at Christ in Matthew 11. He engages God in 3 ways: prays, clarifies and offers

2011-01-27T11:47:00.000-06:00

Gari Meacahm leads a Bible study at Second Baptist Church on Tuesdays at 9:30am in rioom L331 at the West Campus. Gari is a truly gifted speaker that with humor and grace leads the women in her class into a deeper walk with Jesus. Join us -- you will be glad you did!

Study Overview

Week 1: Longings (signs of a hungry spirit)

Week 2: Numbing (stuffing, ignoring and mocha lattes)

Week 3: Engaging (whispers and screams: how do we pray?)

Week 4: Travailing (panting and petition)

Week 5: Believing (more than bathrobe belief)

Week 6: Positioning (invited to listen)

Week 7: Questioning (the caress of wondering)

Week 8: Moving (living off more than fumes)

Session 1 Notes:

Psalm 63:1 “O God, You are my God. I shall seek you earnestly, my soul thirsts for you, my flesh yearns for you

In a dry and weary land where there is no water.”

Are you desperate for God?

Created to Long

We were built for Spirit Hunger. We were designed to thirst after a God that quenches. We long for a romance with God. God is constantly wooing us, and inviting us to a pleasure, a thrill and safety and a covering. We were created to long (desire) for something.

There are universal desires that we all have and there are the counterfeits that we replace these longings with:

Longing: Nurturing, attention and affirmation Counterfeit: Control
Longing: Intimacy (desire to hear and be heard) Counterfeit: Guardedness
Longing: Purpose Counterfeit: Bland insecurity
Longing: Discipline Counterfeit: Compulsion/laziness
Longing: Treasured Counterfeit: Trampled and fearful

Everyone longs for God Himself.

How did the longings get messed up? (Genesis 2-3)

Women were created to bring a beauty to life that man could not.

At the fall Eve:

-Chose to believe that God was tricking her
- Felt like she had to figure it all out (control)
- Felt that her husband needed to now listen to and follow her

Adam’s response was the most dangerous thing, he chose silence.

Their initial way of living and functioning in a Spirit Hunger was now broken. The coward/control cycle began.

From Genesis 3: the dance that Adam and Eve did is the dance of Humanity and became the dance of Christ.

Vs 7: We cover
Vs 8: We hid
Vs 9: God pursues
Vs 10: We excuse
Vs 21: God covers

The longings that stay in “self” mode typically end in fear. Longings that bend towards God turn to faith. Fear is the most powerful human emotion, except for faith. Faith plays itself out in our spirit (see John 3, John 4:23-24, and 1 Cor 2: 10-14).

When you determine to understand your Spirit Hunger, your life will have a certain charm about it, which is a treasured satisfaction to Jesus.

Life On The High Road -- Week 5

2010-11-29T14:16:00.002-06:00

Life on the High Road

Week Five – The HOV Lane

Introduction

HOV – High Occupancy Vehicle Lane - exists to encourage people to travel together, thereby reducing traffic, fuel emissions and travel-related stress.

The HOV is narrow and only one car at a time. God calls us to travel together – to seek each other’s fellowship.

Advantages of the HOV

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12

Receiving the help of others (v.9)

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

Receiving the support of others (v.10)

If they fall down, they can help each other up. But pity those who fall and have no one to help them up!

Receiving the encouragement of others (v.11)

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone?

Receiving the strength of others (v.12)

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”

Who is in Your Car?

1) The Perfect One - causes our joy

John 15: 11-15

“I have told you this so that my joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command. I no longer call you servants, because servants do not know their master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”

So often, we have our quiet time in the morning and then we blow right on with our day and forget to take Jesus with us. He calls us friends and wants us to ABIDE with him every day. Take your scriptures (your tools) with you on your road to be reminded of your friend in Jesus throughout your day and encouraged as you face the days struggles, disappointments, and joys!

2) The Inspirational Ones - ignite our joy

For example, maybe a favorite bible study teacher (Beth Moore, Ed Young,..)

3) The important Ones - share our joy

Mark 9:2 & Mark 14:32-33

“After six days Jesus took Peter, James and John with him and led them up a high mountain, where they were all alone. There he was transfigured before them.”

“They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled.

Of his disciples, Jesus had 3 that were special to him. He took them along during important moments, like the Transfiguration, and the garden to pray as he was deeply troubled. Examples of our important ones would be husband, family, children…We also should take our important ones along with us and share the moments on our road with them.

4) The trainable Ones- catch our joy

2 Timothy 2:1-4 & Titus 2:3-4

“You then my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus. And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others. Join with me in suffering, like a good soldier of Christ Jesus. No one serving as a soldier gets involved in civilian affairs; rather, they try to please their commanding officer.”

“Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine, but to teach what is good. Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children,”

This is the example of pouring into the lives of others. Definitely our children would fit this category, but also there may be younger women we bring under our wings to mentor and counsel. Who are you pouring into?

5) The Nice Ones – enjoy our joy

This would be compared to the multitudes that followed Jesus. He spoke with them and was with them, but he knew when it was time to turn his back on the multitudes to focus on the important ones, and the trainable ones. Likewise, be present with the nice ones, but know when its time to place your focus on the important ones and the trainable ones.

6) The Difficult Ones – drain our joy

For example, Judas, the Pharisees…Jesus had to draw a boundary with these difficult ones.

We need to focus on the Perfect one, the important ones, and the trainable ones with a majority of our time on the road. Be wise! Be purposeful about the perfect, important and trainable ones.

Emotions in the Car

1) Anger

Matthew 5:21-22

“orgizo”

“You have heard that it was said to the people long ago, You shall not murder, and anyone who murders will be subject to judgment. But I tell you that anyone who is angry with a brother or sister will be subject to judgment.”

That word for angry is “orgizo” which means to become exasperated, frustrated, emotionally put out. How are our emotions as we are traveling along with the Perfect one, our important ones, and the trainable ones? The enemy is coming to steal our joy. Jesus will help us maintain our joy with our important ones. We will never look back on our times with the important ones and wish we would have yelled more, or been angry more?

Your anger will not make them act better; it causes a dividing line. It will not bring about righteousness.

2) Anxiety

“merimnao”

Matthew 6:25-34

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,…But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Do not let worry suck the joy out of your trip. Keep giving it over to the Lord in prayer. Stop trying to do the Lord’s work.

Final Encouragement

Proverbs 18:24

“One who has unreliable friends comes to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”

Tune in to those people who stick to you. We cannot travel with 800.

Life On The High Road -- Week 3

2010-11-29T14:08:00.002-06:00

Life on the High Road

Week Three – The Bypass

Introduction

bypass – A route off to the side ; off the main road; a deflected road, normally around a city or town.

bypass - A feeling of being “passed by” in circumstances, in gifts & talents, and by people. This feeling always stems from comparison.

The problem with the bypass is that you can see everyone else there receiving favor and blessing but for whatever reason you cannot get to it. The message on the bypass is that the Lord sometimes calls us to it and to trust Him on it.

Bypass Envy – painful awareness of an advantage enjoyed by another, accompanied by a strong desire to possess this advantage. This desire is met with anger or resentment that another is experiencing this prosperity and you are not.

I Samuel 18: 5-9

“charah” – to burn with anger or jealousy

Mindset: “What more can she get?

Story of young David and his successes with King Saul’s battles. All the people loved him and sang in verse 7, “Saul has slain his thousands, and David his tens of thousand.” Saul was very angry; this refrain displeased him greatly. “They have credited David with tens of thousands,” he thought, “but me with only thousands. What more can he get but the kingdom?” And from that time on Saul kept a close eye on David.

That word anger is “charah” meaning more like a burning anger. Again it’s the comparison thing. We get caught looking around at the success that others have received and we think to ourselves “Really, what more can she get?” We need to remember on our bypasses that God made us all unique and all originals.

John 21:20-23

Mindset: “What about that girl?

I love this story in John when Jesus has just told Peter that his journey with the Lord would lead to suffering for God’s glory. Verse 20 picks up “Peter turned and saw that the disciple whom Jesus loved was following them. When Peter saw him, he asked, “Lord, what about him?” Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

The message Jesus has for us when we find ourselves thinking “What about that girl? Why isn’t it hard for her? Why does everything seem so easy and great for her?” is “YOU follow me. Don’t worry about what I have for her. I’m talking to you.” Take all t hose others off your list and you follow Jesus.

Our flesh responses

“But Approach”
“Reversal Approach”
“Unfavorable Comparison Approach

Bypass Inadequacy – a deep sense of self doubt; stems from self absorbtion & comparison.

John 6: 9-13

This is the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand. The disciples have looked around for food and Andrew speaks up at verse 9 to say “Here is a boy with five small barley loaves and two small fish, but that is nothing for a crowd like this”…Jesus then took the loaves, gave thanks, and distributed to those who were seated as much as they wanted. He did the same with the fish. When they had all had enough to eat, he said to his disciples, “Gather the pieces that are left over. Let nothing be wasted.” So they gathered them and filled twelve baskets with the pieces of the five barley loaves left over by those who had eaten.

Mindset: “That is nothing for a crowd like this.”

Do you ever get caught thinking that what you have is just not enough – whether its being equipped with certain gifts and talents to accomplish a task, or even not feeling adequate in a relationship or family. Do not linger there in the mindset that “I have nothing for this.” Jesus says, “Give me what you’ve got. Give me your nothing and I will make it everything” - Just as he did with the small boys barley loaves and fish. Jesus made it enough for the crowd. That’s what he promises for us as moms, wives, etc. We’re left feeling bypassed. We need to quit being self-absorbed about what we are not. The Lord gave YOU for your family and your husband and your kids. Jesus tells us to see Him in our nothing, in our barley loaves and fishes, and He will make it everything.

Bypass Resentment – a feeling of indignant displeasure at something regarded as a wrong or an offense.

John 5: 1-9

Story of Jesus arriving in Jerusalem near the Sheep Gate where many disabled people gathered hoping to find healing in the pool. Verse 5 picks up “One who was t here had been an invalid for 38 years. When Jesus saw him lying there and learned that he had been in this condition for a long time, he asked him, “Do you want to get well?” “Sir,” the invalid replied, “I have no one to help me into the pool when the water is stirred. While I am trying to get in, someone else goes down ahead of me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Get up! Pick up your mat and walk.” At once the man was cured, he picked up his mat and walked.

Mindset: “I have no one.”

If you find yourself in a lonely season, Pam encourages us not to miss this season. Press in hard to Jesus. Notice from the scripture that Jesus goes straight to the man. See Jesus in your loneliness – He goes straight to you just as he did the man in scripture. When we are feeling ignored, or that we have no one, Jesus is telling us “yes you do. See me – I want to be your everything. Do you want to get well? Then drawn in to Jesus and see him in this lonely season.

The Bypass is the High Road!

Psalm 37:7

“Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways, when they carry out their wicked schemes.”

I Peter 5:6-10

“Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because hi cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your fellow believers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a littlewhile, will himself restore you and make your strong, firm and steadfast.”

Closing encouragement: Rest in the Lord – settle in. comparison stirs us up. Trust in the One who has your road. There are more promises in the Bible to those who wait than any other promise in scripture. Quit fretting! Don’t dwell on her road, Jesus calls us to come follow Him on your road to “zoe” (life).

Be done with comparison! Recognize it and cofess it. Take it to the Lord and focus solely on Him.

What our mind lingers on will inflame our emotions which will slowly captivate our will and eventually control our life.

Life on the High Road

2010-10-20T14:36:00.003-05:00

Week Two – The Detour

Introduction

A “detour” is by definition

A deviation from a direct course or the usual procedure.
A roundabout way
A sharp departure

Proverbs 14:12 “There is a way that appears to be right, but in the end it leads to death”

“yashar” This is the Hebrew word for right.

It means straight, convenient, tranquil, peaceful, and appropriate. There is a road that appears to us to be the straight road or the appropriate road. Again this concept of our plan for life may seem totally the right way for us, but in the end it leads to death. God’s plan may take a few detours and unexpected paths, but Jesus promises it leads to life. A detour on the high road is when God has you on one road, and then suddenly it all takes a turn. It may be a quick detour, or a detour that lasts for years. It’s a deviation from where you were headed. All the same, a detour is still God’s high road for you if you will trust him with it.

Will you trust Jesus on your road?

A Roundabout Way

Exodus 13:17-22 “When Pharaoh let the people go, God did not lead them on the road through the Philistine country, though that was shorter…so God led the people around by the desert road toward the Red Sea…”

This is interesting because scripture tells us there was a shorter, more convenient way. We know now from the story that God knew something that they didn’t know. Whatever you are waiting on, God has gone ahead of you, just as He did for the Israelites. He knows the plans He has for you even if it is the roundabout way.

Trusting Him With Your Detour

It’s important to begin to identify your own detours and recognize God’s hand in them. Pretty much every one of God’s people from the Bible were taken on some sort of a detour…Noah, Moses, David…the list goes on. We are going to look at Joseph and his many detours and how God was right in the midst of each one.

Genesis 37-50

Trust His Way With Your Location

(i.e., where you are physically) Gen 37:13 we see Joseph’s father has sent him to check on his brothers in Schechem. Once he arrives, he finds t hat they had moved on to Dothan (which happens to be the road that leads straight to Egypt). Once there his brothers conspire to throw him into a pit, and then sell him to slave traders on their way to Egypt. We are told in Gen 39:2 that “The Lord was with Joseph so that he prospered…” This is repeated at every detour of Joseph’s journey. None of these incidents were by accident. God had a plan for Joseph and each detour was part of that plan. God had Joseph just where he needed him, and He has you just where He wants you. Whether it’s a difficult marriage, a young mother in a new town, an employee with a difficult boss – we can trust God with our location. A resilient woman is one who celebrates transition and the detours of life. Detours can be great too and when that happens we still need to recognize Jesus in that goodness and rest in it.

Trust His Way With Your Reputation

Or Trust His way with what other people think about you

We continue to see this pattern with Joseph – God sets him on a detour, God is with him, and he prospers. Once again, Joseph has been sold to Potiphar, the Egyptian pharaoh. Gen 39:3 “When his master saw that the Lord was with him and that the Lord gave him success in everything he did, Joseph found favor in his eyes and became his attendant. Potiphar put him in charge of his household, and he entrusted to his care everything he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph.”

Psalm 31: 12-15

God has your detour in His hands.

Job 42:2 reminds us that “no purpose of yours can be thwarted.”

No matter what people think of you, God will accomplish his work in you. Our road is in His hands and He will take the detour that you are on though hard and constricting, and take you to life!

Trust His Way With Your Situation

Three different situations we see in Joseph’s journey:

· Mistreatment by family

· Restriction by circumstances

· Abandonment

Joseph wasn’t defined by his family’s mistreatment or the other events, he was refined by it. Gen 45: 8 Joseph tells his brothers “So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God”. And then later in Genesis 50:20 “You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.”

Trust God with your location, your reputation, your situation. Trust that where He has you is right where he wants you and He will accomplish his purposes.

The Straightest Way

Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

Again, that word ways is the word “derekh” our word for road. In all your “roads” submit to him, and he will make your roads straight.

Life on the High Road -- September 29th, 2010

2010-10-05T13:50:00.004-05:00

Join us every Wednesday at 9:40am in the Jump Theater at Second Baptist West to hear Pam Thompson teach Life on the High Road in person! Come journey with us as learn to navigate life, maneuvering through life's pitfalls and raodblocks while enjoying the scenery along the way.

Week One – The High Road

I. Introduction

Very rarely does reality meet our expectations. Life on the High Road is all about abandoning my expectations and following God’s plan.

II. The Two Roads

Matthew 7:13-14: Jesus says,“Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it. But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

Way – “hodos” -- Simply means the road where you are walking

Narrow – “thlibo”-- Pressed in, crowded, verb form means to have affliction

Broad – “euruchoros” -- Spacious, open, you can see all around

Destruction – “apoleia” -- Wasteland, nothingness, hell

Life – “zoe” -- Energy, purpose, joy, abundance, more than you can conceive

Pam shared a story about the Fat Man’s Squeeze in Rock City, Tennessee. The Fat Man’s Squeeze is a spot at the top of a cliff where the rocks are so narrow you have to literally squeeze through them. Tour guides instruct you to leave everything behind – do not carry anything through this squeeze as you will not make it through. Leave your purse, put down your children, leave it all if you want to make it through Fat Man’s Squeeze. If you start to feel claustrophobic, just look up. Much the same for choosing the narrow “hodos” or road in life. Jesus is telling us leave it all behind, put down your burdens, trust me with your finances, your children, your difficult circumstances – and come follow me. It will not be easy. Much like Fat Man’s Squeeze it will be uncomfortable, but look up. Hold on to me and I will lead you to the abundant, energetic, purposeful life that is planned for you. Pam remembers once you make it through the Fat Man’s Squeeze, there was such beauty to behold. You could see for miles – there was freedom. Much the same will be our life on the narrow road if we will trust Jesus, leave it all behind, and follow Him.

Isaiah 55: 8-9: “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Thoughts – “machashavah” -- A plan, imagination, intention, an organized thinking

Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the thoughts I have for you”, says the Lord.

This word thoughts is “machashavah”.

Way – “derekh” again is the Hebrew word for road

On the narrow road, we have to remember that God’s ways are so much higher than ours – His plan is so much greater for us. This verse in Isaiah is saying that God’s thoughts of us, His plans for us, his imagination for us is so much higher and greater than we could ever think or imagine for ourselves. We have to hold on to that truth when life on the narrow road becomes difficult.

III. The Road to Emmaus – Luke 24: 13-53

When expectations & reality don’t meet

Emmaus means “hot bath”

This is the story of two villagers on their way to Emmaus, a town about 7 miles from Jerusalem. They are talking with each other about Jesus death, and the fact that Simon Peter has claimed that when he visited the tomb it was empty. As they are traveling, Jesus himself comes up and walks along with them. He traveled with them much of the way and stayed with them once they reached Emmaus. When they sat down to dinner, Jesus broke bread, and gave thanks. That is when they realized who He was and that all Simon Peter had claimed was true. Their eyes were opened.

The Low Road

This is the road we are on when we do not recognize Jesus in our day or our circumstance, not seeing him in the midst, not trusting Him.

My viewpoint is horizontal rather than vertical.

John 19:11, Acts 2:22-23, Acts 4:27-28

My own agenda determines my expectations.

Fill in the blank with your own personal expectation. “I was hoping_______________________”

I fail to acknowledge the resurrection of Christ and its impact upon my current circumstances.

The High Road

When you see Jesus on your road

1. I view my life through God’s eyes.

Proverbs 17:24 (The Message) “The perceptive find wisdom in their own front yard; Fools look for it everywhere but right here.”

2. I surrender my expectations.

3. I acknowledge the resurrection of Christ and stake my current circumstances upon it.

I follow Christ and giving back becomes a natural part of my journey.

IV. Habakkuk 3: 17-19

Leaving a Legacy, Part 5

2010-07-01T09:00:00.001-05:00

Okay….the truth of the matter is you do not leave a legacy you live a legacy.

It is called the principal of modeling. Whether we like it or not we WILL model something. Our values and priorities will always show through our behavior, actions, reactions.

The question is will it be a GODLY example or not?

The truth is we cannot impart what we do not possess. In fact this is biblical.

Remember Jesus, Luke 6: 40. What did he say? Every learner, every disciple, every student when he is fully trained will be just like his… teacher.

Let me put it bluntly; your kids will never be what you tell them to be they will become what you are.

Deuteronomy 6: 5-9:Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

This is called the Shema. So important was this verse to Jewish households that they would recite it at the beginning of the day and at the end. Many believe it would have been the first scripture Jesus would have learned as a young boy.

Why am I focusing on it? It shows that the primary place to establish a GODLY legacy is in the home. Notice the command is first personal for the parent. Love your God…

Let me tell you something, you can be convicted by reading a lesson such as this…you can determine that you are going to change how you parent and what your goal of parenting is going is going to be. You can preach at your children till you are blue in the face…

BUT if you are not the person you want your kids to become, then the best you can do right now is deal with those things you do not want your children to learn or imitate. Hmmm… let me be blunt: if your first passion is anything besides Jesus Christ you have just given your children permission to pick their passion.

Mom's, when you hear "the apple does not fall far from the tree" you want that to be a compliment.

Leaving a Legacy, Part 4

2010-06-30T10:00:00.001-05:00

How do you define great?

Webster’s dictionary defines great as "huge, notably large in size, remarkable in magnitude, degree, or effectiveness."

Apply that to life – living a huge life, living a notable life, living a remarkable life…

The question is what is the measurement of great? Or what is the measurement of huge? Let’s get practical -- What does greatness or God honoring character look like?

We can look to JESUS as the perfect example. Jesus not only taught us what greatness was, He SHOWED US what it looked like...with every step He took, every breath He exhaled, and every word He spoke.

I wish that we had more time, because truly this is a whole study in itself, so let me give you some homework. This week read Colossians chapter 3 and look for attributes of a life aiming at holiness.

IF we had more time, we could talk about NOT giving your children everything they ask for BECAUSE we need to teach patience because if they cannot learn to wait in the small things of life how do we expect them to wait for the bigger things such as staying pure for marriage. Or worse, that they grow up believing that that the world owes them a living.

We could talk about teaching your children to serve rather than be served or else they end up in marriages that are troubled because they never learned to sacrifice their wants for another.

We could talk about teaching integrity and not allowing your children to back out of commitments. To have determination and the ability to stick with an undertaking even when they do not feel like it or their flesh tells them to abandon it. So that they are adults they become men and women of their word.

We could talk about teaching our children to recognize God’s sovereignty in their lives learning to praise Him in the good and the difficult because it is at the foundation of being content.

We could talk about not allowing your children free pass access to media just because their friends have it.

Whew, this gets me going!

What I do want to focus on humility.

Humility that is the essence of true greatness. It is foundational to any other Godly attribute. Without humility you cannot be right with the Lord, without humility you cannot truly love others, without humility you cannot be thankful. Without humility you cannot serve.

Do you remember the story from the NT where the Apostles have been arguing on the way to Capernaum about who was the greatest amongst them. Jesus to settle the argument tells them that if anyone wants to be first, he must be the very last and the servant of all. (Mark 9: 35) Elsewhere Jesus said, "He who is least among you all – he is the greatest " (Luke 9).

It comes down to humility.

Now, in our culture, this word “humility” is not a positive attribute. The world sees the humble as people with inferiority problems. Or that to have humility means that you must think poorly about yourself.

That’s NOT Biblical humility. Being humble is NOT the same as being humiliated. To the contrary, the humble are secure in who God made them.

Think of it this way: Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it is simply thinking less about yourself.

God's perspective on humility? It's Philippians, chapter 2 -- that's where Paul says that we are to do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit but with humility of mind, we are to regard others as more important than ourselves; not to look out for our own interests merely, but also for the interests of others. And then he goes on to say, "You are to have this mind in you, have the same mindset that Jesus had, who, although He was God, did not regard a quality with God something to be held onto but He emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond servant, being made in the likeness of man and ultimately being crucified on a cross."

Now that's the kind of character that we should want to see molded into the hearts of our children.

Leaving a Legacy, Part 3

2010-06-29T10:17:00.001-05:00

Back to our parenting goals....If we are honest many of us want our kids to be:

v the smartest,

v the prettiest,

v the most popular

v and the best rewarded

Tim Kimmel says average parent may not articulate these priorities in such an obvious way but often our true priorities are NOT what we say they are, but are revealed through our:

® choices for our children’s time,

® our emphasis on their performance,

® our concern with how they compare. Looking to those around us as our barometer of success

Am I telling you that you need to rethink this years Christmas letter…. Perhaps (lol).

Listen, there is nothing wrong with achieving wealth, power, and fame unless you need any of these things to feel significant or complete. This it the truth...mark this down: If a person grows up measuring himself or herself by these worldly standards, they're never going to be content. More importantly, they're going to miss living the life God meant for them to live.

Listen, it is not just our children measuring themselves against these worldly standards. We as parents start the comparing and measuring.

In the previous generation keeping up with the Joneses meant measuring and competing with cars and homes. Today’s generation competes through their children.

Everything is set up to fuel this. As they take their first breath we begin to compare them to a standard. It starts with the Apgar, and ends with the SAT. In between, we rank and score them to death.

Not that Apgars and SATs are a bad thing…It just becomes a detrimental thing when we use those standards to either pat ourselves on the back that our children are so much better than everyone else’s or beat ourselves up because they do not meet an average.

But raising our children with a Biblical view rather than a world view means that the measuring stick of success is the word of God.

2 Corinthians 10:12-13: We do not dare to classify or compare ourselves with some who commend themselves. When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise. We, however, will not boast beyond proper limits, but will confine our boasting to the field God has assigned to us, a field that reaches even to you.

Listen, this should provide a great deal of relief for us as parents. The legacy that we leave is no longer measured by what rank our children are in high school, no longer is it about being the best, or the most athletic. No longer is it about who walked, talked, or used the potty first.

We get so caught up in all of this. Comparison is the thief of joy.

God is NOT interested in your child’s earthly success but his or her being great in the Kingdom of God.

Jeannette Clift George is coming to Second Baptist West

2010-06-25T10:02:00.000-05:00

Mark your calendars!

Jeannette Clift George, inspiring actress, author, speaker, Golden Globe winner is coming to speak on Thursday, August 24th (7pm).

Do not miss her timely message!

She will entertain us with the secrets to remaining joyful and content in today's world. Employing lilting wit and passion for life, Jeannette will leave you eagerly seeking humor in everyday moments.

Tickets go on sale in July and are available through the Women's Ministry office (713-365-3081). This is open to any woman at any age!

$5 per ticket (includes dessert and coffee) or $40 for a reserved table of 8. We have limited space so buy early to avoid disappointment!

Leaving a Legacy, Part 2

2010-06-24T09:49:00.001-05:00

So the question yesterday we decided that as parents we all needed to be able to answer is what legacy do you want to leave?

In our materialistic world, mention the word legacy, and people often think monetarily. However, if you are a parent, the greatest legacy that you will leave on this earth is not money or achievement or possessions, the greatest legacy is your children.

So, if you could get imagine how your kids turn out 10 or 20 years from now, what kind of legacy would you like to see? What is it that you want to show for this time and investment in parenting?

I think first what we need to do is back up the lens and see our children as God sees them.

Open with me to Psalm 127: 3-5

This verse is a snapshot of how God looks upon our children.

The reason we have settled in this scripture is because I want you to notice the word ARROW. We are told that "children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior."

When Solomon was writing this passage arrows were made by hand. Archers spend countless hours preparing their arrows. They carefully choose the right piece of wood, cut it precisely to size, then spend hours polishing, and fitting the feathers and the arrowhead.

As a result of the investment they would never waste the arrow and just shoot it in the air; they would shoot it to a very specific target.

I love the analogy that is used here and really it has several lessons on value of children and discipline, but what I want you to notice is that to leave a Godly legacy as parents requires positive, clear cut objectives.

It is like going on a trip. You are not going to get anywhere if you do not know where you are going or you are going to end up somewhere you never intended to in the first place.

We have to have an idea of what exactly we are aiming for.

As parents we are to take our children and mold them and prepare them so that when they are released they hit the bull’s eye. That means that there is a picture in your mind of an ultimate outcome.

Back to my original question...what kind of adult are you trying to raise? Remember we are raising future adults not future children.

I think if we were in a room together we would here a lot of different responses. Many of us, especially if we have been "churched" long enough, will say the noble thing about our children growing up to have a tender heart for God. As Tim Kimmel (author of Raising Kids for True Greatness) has said, "What happens when the actual target of our parenting priorities is scrutinized is that what often shows up is that, although we are followers of Christ, we are also products of a western mindset."

Tim Kimmel tells the story of visiting a man and his son whom he had been asked to come and give some guidance to because they were having a great deal of trouble with the father-son relationship.

This was a family that was living the American dream. The father owned a high end home building business and they seemingly had it all. Wealth, power, prestige. It was also a Christian home.

While spending time with this father and son, they were driving through a housing development which the father had some projects in .

The father was driving the car, Tim was in the passenger’s seat and the son was in the back seat.

As they came upon a house that was under construction, they noticed a laborer that was carrying bricks between the sidewalk and the house – delivering them to a bricklayer who was apparently building a fireplace on the inside. This father thought that he would use this as a chance to teach a lesson to his son, and he turned around and he said to his son, "You know, son, at the rate you are going you are going to end up like that. If you do not change your ways you are going to find yourself at the bottom of the food chain just like that old man, wasting your life and barely making minimum wage.”

The father then turned and winked at Tim as to say there – I taught him.

Tim didn't say anything right then because the son was in the back seat but once they were alone he turned to the father and confronted his mistake. He asked the father --why would you go and disparage that man who was doing a good service, and working hard for his pay? How do you know what kind of a man he is? Just because he doesn't make much money, how is that a measure of a man's true character?"

It is a contagious mindset. Oh yes, we WANT moral kids who love the Lord, BUT we also want to raise kids that are successful, do well financially, and make a name for themselves.

It is a slippery slope and what happens as parents is that we get caught up in this world view, this trap of raising children for success.

Leaving a Legacy

2010-06-23T09:35:00.003-05:00

A few years ago I went home to visit my parents. And while there I was out shopping with my husband Rob, when I saw a woman at the mall that looked like the mother of a dear friend of mine from childhood.

I had not seen my friend, or her mother, in at least 20 years.

So, I tapped Rob and said, "I think over there is a mom of a girl I went to school with."

And just as I was about to charge on over… I realized that it was NOT the mother of my friend BUT my friend, herself. I thought it was her mom because she had morphed into her mom’s very image from 20 years ago.

AsI thought about this post, I thought really is that not what we are all doing? We are just slowly turning into our parents. Every last one of us.

When you get into the car today and you flip that visor down, look in that mirror, and THERE THEY ARE… whether you want to admit it or not.

For some of you it is NOT just appearance. How many of us have had someone say, you sound just like your mom, or you sound just like your dad. Or, how many of you have said something to your children, perhaps in the heat of disciplining, and thought I sounded just like my parents right now.

Legacy -- that which is passed from one generation to the next.

Every one of us has received one, lives one, and gives one.

The question is not whether you will leave a legacy but what that legacy will be.

And if you are parents – your children are heirs to the good, the bad and the ugly.

When looking at the legacy that we have received, all of us need to be able to identify that which we want to continue and that which we want to be broken. Some of you have a great heritage of God fearing examples. Others of you, not. My husband and I are both 1^st generation Christians and this is what I will say to you – you have a chance to start a new legacy.

So the question you and I need to be able to answer is this – what legacy do you want to leave?

Free To Be A Godly Wife

2010-04-07T10:33:00.002-05:00

Joy in the Foxhole

“Happily ever after”…you’ve heard of it. As women, I think there is a part of us who expected to get married and be living our own “happily ever after.” The wedding comes and goes, little ones may enter the picture, life gets busy – and we find ourselves “in the foxhole” of marriage. This is definitely not where we had planned to be - we look at our husband and he is definitely not the prince charming we remember marrying – we look in the mirror and we are not quite the princess we remember feeling like on our wedding day. There is hope and there can be joy in the foxhole if we can diffuse a few bombs that can go off when we find ourselves in the foxhole.

Bomb #1 Misplaced Expectations

The myth of completion
We may enter marriage believing that this is the person who will complete us – this is when life really begins – only to soon find out that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The bible tells us that marriage is 1 whole person joining with 1 whole person to equal 1. In earthly terms, that is impossible. That is what Paul meant by the “mystery of marriage.” It takes two well defined people to create a whole marriage – how are you doing on your wholeness? Are you counting on your spouse to fill every need that you have?

Needs vs. Expectations
We all have 5 basic needs – love, acceptance, identity, security, and purpose. Many times we enter marriage expecting our husbands to carry our needs bag – which by the way can be really heavy. At some point, he will drop it. It’s a guaranteed part of his human-ness. God did not create him to be able to carry and meet every need that you have, so let him off the hook. Allow the Lord to meet those needs and fill the God-designed hole He left in your heart just for Him.

Expectations are just as likely to send our marriages into the foxhole. When we expect our spouse to behave, speak, love in a certain way – there is no room for thankfulness when he does rise to the occasion. It creates a debt to debtor relationship, like keeping a tally on what he has done right.

The battle plan: Give thanks in everything, especially that this is the spouse the Lord has picked just for you. Allow the Lord to fill those basic needs and let your husband off the hook. Take your desires for your marriage to Him and let Him renew and restore your marriage.

Bomb #2 Misplaced Control

Worry – Manipulation – Anger – Bitterness
As women we have a deep desire to control. What we forget is that control is an illusion. Many times we get caught in the cycle of control.

First we worry. Then if it doesn’t work our way, we may manipulate the situation with our words or actions. If that doesn’t work, we get angry. Again, trying to control the situation or our husband. Finally that leads to bitterness and what an “un-fun” place to be for lack of a better word. Have you ever met someone whose heart was so bitter, that it affected their whole facial expression? I don’t think we want to end up there. So we have to let go of the control.

Battle Plan: Put the control back in the Lord’s hands. Life change does not come through human power or control, but Holy Spirit power. Pray that Christ’s power may rest on you. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, you are strong.”

Bomb #3 Misplaced Priorities (those things you value most)

Limits and loads
There is a difference between your limit and your load. If you find yourself multi-tasking so much that you are stressed and overwhelmed most of the time, you have probably gone way past your limit.

There has to be some margin built into your life. Margin on our paper is what allows us room for error – margin in our life does the same thing. Margin is where our Christianity, our motherhood, and our marriages are lived out. If your life is packed so full that there is no room for error, you have to stop and re-prioritize with room left for margin.

Our biblical priorities should be God, husband, children, self, others. If you keep expanding your life, you will miss the joy in the foxhole.

Battle plan: Our biblical priorities should be God, husband, children, self, others. If you keep expanding your life, you will miss the joy in the foxhole.

There really can be joy in the foxhole!

Trust the Lord with all your needs and bring him your desires for your marriage. Let go of the control and allow the Holy Spirit to change you from the inside out. Put some margin back into your life by re-prioritizing your days. “The enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus Christ comes to give life and give it abundantly.” Walk in that promise today ladies. Victory has been won! Its ours to claim so lets claim it!

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- March 10th, 2010

2010-03-17T12:24:00.001-05:00

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – RELEASE

I. Introduction
Leanne Jamieson shared her testimony on how God has taught her the power of releasing your child. We are not releasing our kids into the storm, or into school, or wherever you may be, we are always releasing them into the hands of Jesus.

II. Jochebed
Exodus 2:1-11
This is the story of Moses – Jochebed was his mother’s name. It’s a powerful picture of how Jochebed released her child into the Lord’s hands.

III. A Picture of Release
A. The Basket – Reach for God’s promises
Exodus 2:3 “But when she could hide him no longer, she got a papyrus basket for him…” The Hebrew word for “basket” is “tebah” – this is the same word used in Genesis for ark, which means promise. As Jochebed was reaching for the basket for her baby, she was also reaching for God’s promises for her child. When faced with the task of releasing our kids, the first thing we reach for are God’s promises. Grab your bible, or find a topical book on God’s promises – grab a hold of the Lord’s promises in whatever area is causing you to hold on too tight. Write them on a card to take with you in the car or on the go, memorize them so you can remind yourself of God’s promise for your child when you start to worry or doubt…

B. Prepare the Basket - Pray
Exodus 2:3 “she got a papyrus basket for him and coated it with tar and pitch.”
PRAY FOR YOUR KIDS! Jochebed reached for God’s promises when reaching for the basket for baby Moses, and then prepared the basket by coating it with tar and pitch. Tar and pitch served as a sealant in those days to keep unwanted water, oils, or bugs out. It’s a picture of how we, and our children are sealed in Christ. 2 Corinthians 1:21-22 “Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.” Our children are sealed and protected in Christ much like Moses was protected by the tar and pitch in the basket. However, our part as moms is to “prepare the basket” as Jochebed did by praying that seal and protection over them.

C. Place Child in the Basket - Trust
Exodus 2:3 “Then she placed the child in it and put it among the reeds along the bank of the Nile.” This is the hard part – placing our children “in the basket”. But the beauty of this is that we are placing them in the Lord’s hands, who is fully trustworthy to hold them and protect them.

D. Place the Basket in the Water - Release
Same verse from part C – As Jochebed placed the basket in the reeds along the bank of the Nile (which by the way was known for its actual and moral filth), she wasn’t just placing her baby in a dirty river. She was essentially placing the basket that she had reached for, prepared, placed her child and now releasing him into the Lord’s hands. Isn’t that an awesome picture of how we can release our kids to the Lord, too? When you put your child in God’s hands there is no safer place. The Lord is in control of what is going on and He has got your children – they are His as are we. Isaiah 51:16 “I have put my words in your mouth and covered you with the shadow of my hand—I who set the heavens in place, who laid the foundations of the earth, and who say to Zion, ‘You are my people’”.

IV. The Difficulty of Releasing
A. Fear
Hebrews 11:23 “By faith, Moses’ parents hid him for three months after he was born, because they saw he was no ordinary child, and they were not afraid of the king’s edict.” Did you catch that – t hey were not afraid. They didn’t have to be afraid because they knew God was faithful. Moses was in God’s hands and their trust as parents was fully in God who created him. We don’t have to be afraid for our children – we don’t have to fear. God has our children’s future in His hands and they are safe with Him. Reach for God’s promises, pray over your children, trust the Lord with them, and release them into His hands.

B. Control
2 Corinthians 5:14-15 “For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died, and he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.” We need to let go of thinking that we should control our children. We should want our children instead to be compelled, or controlled by the love of Christ.

C. Unhealthy Need
2 Corinthians 12:14 “Now I am ready to visit you for the third time, and I will not be a burden to you, because what I want is not your possessions but you. After all, children should not have to save up for their parents, but parents for their children.” We cannot make our children come through for us – that is not their job. Let Jesus meet your needs and allow your children the freedom to live the life God intended them to live.

This is all about not having your kids on your list of goals. Release them to the Lord. Love Jesus, and let Him love you.

Pam and Paul Thompson are coming to teach a 2 week special class...

2010-03-03T13:55:00.004-06:00

If you have been on Wednesdays then you know you are in for a treat....If you have heard about it but have not been able to come -- this is your chance!

2 Sundays in April (18th & 25th) at the West Campus of Second Baptist Church (Junior High room) Pam and Paul Thompson will teach parenting prinicples with humor and Biblical truth. You will laugh, you will learn, and you will be changed! Do not miss it.

RSVP to dross@second.org. Childcare is available! This is a free event but you must pre-register to attend.

Afterwards, head to worship where Dr. Young will be teaching on the family. All I can say is WOW! this is going to be fantastic. Spread the word and invite your friends -- let's pack out the place.

For more information please call: 713-365-3081

Free To Be A Joyful Mother

2010-03-01T10:49:00.002-06:00

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – CONSEQUENCES

I.Natural Consequences
The idea of reaping what you sow. Let the natural consequences happen. We like natural consequences because we stay free to be empathetic. Be careful not to use this concept to give your child the guilties – let your yes be yes and your no be no. For example don’t say, “I’ll buy you that dress, just once again I’ll go without anything new for me.”

II.Imposing Consequences
This is an important exercise: Sit down and make a chart for EACH child based on these categories.
A. Things your child does not like to do.

B. Things your child likes to do that you can take away.

C. Things you do as favors for your child.
Examples: laundry, making lunches, ironing, driving to extra-curriculars…

D. Things that can be exchanged, like time, money, or energy.

E. See Consequences vs. Lecture Notes from the Fall for more details on this topic.

Personality Types:

Otter child – likes to have fun, the best consequence for an otter is to take away their fun. Your challenge as a parent is to find w hat that is – otters can usually make anything seem fun.

Golden Retriever – Compliant child, just wants to keep the peace and keep everyone happy. As a Golden Retriever parent, your biggest challenge will be staying consistent. You are great on empathy, but work hard at being consistent with your consequences.
Beaver – This is your perfectionist child. With this child because anything short of perfection is a failure to them, be careful to discipline with grace. Empathy is the MOST important things. Speak words of life over them as you discipline. For the beaver parent, you are great with consequences and empathy, but probably need to learn to let some things go or you’ll be consequenc-ing all over the place.

Lion – This child like the control and being in charge. Important with this child is remembering not to get into a verbal back and forth. Still bring consequences saying, “I love you too much to argue with you.” Getting into a verbal battle with this child will most likely result in them winning, because they are good at that. As a lion parent, you probably need to work most at your empathy – staying calm and delivering consequences with empathy.

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- February 10th

2010-02-23T15:46:00.002-06:00

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – CHOICES

What our goal is for our kids is independence – we need to prepare them to be responsible adults. The whole concept behind offering choices begins at an early age. As they grow up, those choices begin more broad (like a “V”). By the time they get to high school, we should be letting them figure it out. With every birthday, comes increased choices and increased responsibility. Embrace letting your child fail a bit while they are still under your watchful eye.

I. Three Types of Choices
1. Direct
a. Never give a choice that could cause a problem for you or someone else
b. Only give two – each of which is “ok” with you
c. If child can’t decide, choose for him.
d. Choices need to reflect your value system – direct your children in your values
2. Positive choices – Maintain a “yes” attitude
3. Indirect choices – Asking your child “What do you think?” How do you think you should solve that problem? This gives them validation.

II. The job of a parent is to guide her children to independence by helping them to
a. KNOW themselves
b. LIKE themselves
c. Realize their purpose and find satisfaction from it by making responsible choices.

III. Why Choices Work
a. Choices create situations in which children are forced to think.
b. Choices provide children the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from the consequences.
c. Choices help parents avoid getting into control battles with their children.
d. Choices provide our children with opportunities to hear that we trust their thinking abilities, thereby building their self-esteem as they become more responsible.
e. Choices give our children the freedom to seek the Lord regarding their own decisions.

Psalm 25:12-13 “Who then are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the way they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land.”

The Lord comes for the hearts of our children. It is the Lord who shows our children the way they should go and which way they should choose, just as He does for us. We need to point our kids to the Lord as they learn to make their own choices. “I can’t wait to see where God leads you with this.” “I don’t know the best option, but what a great opportunity to see what God shows you with this.”

IV. The Story of Rebekah – Genesis 27
Rebekah’s two sons were Jacob and Esau. Rebekah had received word from the Lord that her youngest, Jacob, would receive the birthright, rather than her oldest son Esau. Rebekah sees that her husband is getting old, so she tricks Isaac into giving Jacob the birthright. Esau gets angry and so Rebekah sends Jacob away to her brothers house.

Sometimes in our attempts to get the blessing for our own children, we will do anything especially if we feel this is God’s purpose for our child. Instead of letting God do His thing, we end up pushing our child away. Rebekah did help Jacob receive the birthright, but she never saw her son again. We need to send the message to our kids to “Trust the Lord, more than me.”

V. Questions

Examples of Choices:
“Do you want to wear your coat or carry it?”
“Do you want to clean the garage this weekend or next weekend?”
“Have you finished your chores today or do you need an extra day?”
“Do you want peas or carrots for your vegetable?”
“Do you want to read one book or two books at bedtime tonight?”
“Can you stay with us and stop whining or do you need to go to your room for a while?”
“Do you want to put your PJ’s on the normal way or do you want me to time you?”
“Are you going to stop arguing or pay me to listen to it?”
“Do you have time to brush your hair or do you feel great about it?”

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- February 3rd, 2010

2010-02-17T17:54:00.002-06:00

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – DISCOVERY

I. Discovery – A Theological Examination
A. The “Potter”
The Lord is our potter and our kids’ potter. These verses are a reminder that God has our kids, He will “pour out His spirit on our offspring”, “they (our descendants) will spring up like grass in a meadow, like poplar trees by flowing streams”. When we trust Him with our children, we are free to discover who God is creating in our children and what gifts He will put in them. “God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable” – no one, not even parents, can snatch their God given gifts from them. The Lord has put a specific thing in each child. They are always on the potters wheel – encourage your child to walk in their gifts.
Isaiah 44:1-5
Isaiah 45:5-13
Psalm 139
Proverbs 18:16
Romans 11:29 & Romans 12:6

B.The Discoverer
Proverbs 20:5 “The purposes of the human heart are deep waters, but those who have insight draw them out.”
“etsah” “dalah”
Our job as parents is to discover who God is creating in your child, rather than try to create in our children who we want them to be. “Dalah” is the concept of slowly lowering the bucket, letting it dangle, and slowly and carefully pulling it back up. Translation: Expose your kids to many things (lower the bucket) and wait to see if you are able to draw anything up from that exposure. This is an important part of discovering the God given gifts and talents in our children.

II. The Snare of Expectation
Expectations upon our children block discovery.

Expectations means putting our hope into a thing happening, or a person to come through. Waiting with expectancy is putting our hope in the Lord and seeing what He has for our child.

Luke 2:48-52 This is the story of Jesus as a young boy being lost from his mom and dad. Verse 51 says “But his mother treasured all these things in her heart.. And as Jesus grew up, he increased in wisdom and in favor with God and people.” It’s a great example from scripture of how Mary put her hope in the Lord for her son. When Jesus was young, she couldn’t understand the path that God had her son on, but she treasured it in her heart and put her son in God’s hands. She waited with expectancy on what God would reveal. The last part of the scripture is great to pray for our children that they will increase “in wisdom and in favor with God and people.”

III. The Means of Discovery – “Dalah” Part 1

1. Prayer – James 1:5-8
“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.”
Pray pray pray for your children – ask God to give you wisdom in the discovery process “for this child.”

2. Study – Proverbs 22:6
“Start children off in the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.” Should implies according to who that child is – study your kids and know their natural bents.

3. Ask Questions - I Kings 1: 5-6
“Now Adonijah, whose mother was Haggith, put himself forward and said, ‘I will be king.’ So he got chariots and horses ready, with fifty men to run ahead of him. “His father had never rebuked him by asking, “Why do you behave as you do?” He was also very handsome and was born next after Absalom.)”

Ask those questions of your children – the questions that really teach you about who they are and how they think. Its familiar to God in the garden with Adam and Even – when he came looking for them after they had eaten from the tree, He very calmly asked, “Where are you?” Similarly with our kids this may sound like “What’s it like being you today?

4. Exposure – Proverbs 29:18a
“Where there is no vision, people run wild…”
Treat your kids up – expose them to many experiences and people that go in their direction.

5. Tools for discovery
Use all the tools you can to discover who your child is. Listen to their coaches and teachers, take advantage of the many types of aptitude tests, books, etc.

IV. The Influence in Discovery – “Dalah” Part 2

1. Prayer – Lamentations 2:19
“pour out your heart like water in the presence of the Lord. Lift up your hands to him for the lives of your children”
Pray over your kids! Bring every desire, every heartache, every joy, every worry that you have for them before the Lord.

2. Modeling – Hebrews 13:7
“Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you. Consider the outcome of their way of life and imitate their faith.”
After prayer, modeling is the primary way we influence our kids. They will do as they see in us.

3. Teaching –Proverbs 6:20-23
“Keep your father’s command and do not forsake your mother’s teaching. Bind them always on your heart, fasten them around your neck. When you walk, they will guide you; when you sleep, they will watch over you; when you awake, they will speak to you. For this command is a lamp, this teaching is a light, and correction and instruction are the way to life”
We have a small window to teach our kids. Teach them while they are young. Teach them bible stories that meet them where they are in life, that address the struggles they are facing currently. Pray for God’s creativity in your teaching. Make it something they need – include friends and neighbors.

4. Encouragement – Proverbs 12:18
“The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise bring healing.”
Encourage your kids in their strengths – be their number one fan.

5. Counselors – Proverbs 11:14
“For the lack of guidance a nation falls, but victory is won through many advisors.”

Free To Be a Joyful Mother -- January 27th, 2010

2010-02-09T08:45:00.003-06:00

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – UNDERSTANDING

I. Understanding Circumstances
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. This is about realizing that God really is in control of “all things.”

II. Understanding Your Children – Empathy (Compassion)

A. Hebrews 4:15-16 & Hebrews 5:8
“For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are – yet did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” Hebrews 4:15-16

Jesus understands our weaknesses as moms and in our kids, and he empathizes or has compassion on us for those. We should strive to extend that same grace and empathy to our kids in their weaknesses. It’s not about denial of the truth, but about having some understanding while still allowing consequences to fall.

“Son though he was, he learned obedience from what he suffered.” Hebrews 5:8

Even Jesus learned obedience from his suffering, much like us. Our kids will mature and learn from their own suffering. We cannot fall apart when hard things come into our children’s lives – but trust that God is in “all things” and know that “no purpose of His can be thwarted” and He is all over whatever issue our kids may be dealing with.

B. Levels of Empathy

1. Level 1 – Supporting your children when they are behaving well.
Focus on their strengths – let that be their story. Encourage them in the things they are good out rather than always first pointing out the negative. They will thrive and grow in that. Not to say you never discuss their weaknesses, but let the things they are good at or do well, be your focus.

2. Level 2 – Empathizing with your children when they are going through hard experiences or failures.
Always offer empathy first “I know, I understand, I’m so sorry, How are you feeling about that?” Remember God is all over that situation – trust Him and stay empathetic and joyful for your kids.

3. Level 3 – Empathizing when your children receive a consequence from you.
Stay empathetic – it is difficult sometimes, but keep practicing. It will become more natural. Take a time out if you need to, but don’t lose your empathetic tone in the midst of giving consequences.

Level 4 – Confessing the pain that you have caused from your own mistakes.
Our apology when we have made a mistake has the power to melt our kids. Don’t be afraid to offer a soft heart to your child when you have caused them strife.

III. Questions

1. How do you teach your kids humility?

First understand humility is not thinking less of yourself – its freedom from yourself. It’s believing that God works in and through us to accomplish ALL good things, that nothing good is done in our own strength. The root of cockiness or boasting is usually a spirit of low self-esteem. We need to give our kids the identity of who they are in Christ. We need to give them security in Jesus. We have a Father who is king – and as his children we have nothing to worry about. We are free to be who He has created us to be. Most importantly, we have to model this confidence of knowing that Jesus is our everything.

2. How do you control your first bad reaction?

The first step is to recognize it and take it the Lord. Ask him to help you. Sometimes you just have to step back from the situation and pray, then return with a calmer tone. Also practice. Practice your tone – its not so much in your words, but your tone. Our kids can usually see right through an angry tone of voice.

3. How do your raise kids not to be materialistic in a materialistic culture?

Just as the Lord leads through grades, He can also lead through finances. Again, here we have to model that attitude about money we want our kids to have. Are you freed up from the love of money? Start with your own heart. If money is always a big deal and the root of every issue in your home, our kids will see that money is everything. Work on having a yes attitude with your money – “I love that toy too. I can contribute $5 to that toy if you want to use your money for the rest.” No doesn’t always have to be the first thing out of our mouth – it’s the attitude of yes, not necessarily that you give in to all their wants. Be content where you are. Don’t let “NO” be the banner over your family, and try not to be worried and uptight about money.

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- January 20th

2010-02-01T09:47:00.002-06:00

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – INFLUENCE

Pam began today with some thoughts on influence.

The primary way we need to parent is not by controlling, but by our influence – by modeling. What are you modeling to your kids? What do they see in us? They will live out in their own lives what they see from us. Ecclesiastes reminds us so beautifully that life is full of seasons – that’s how God recreates us through changes and transitions, much like the seasons of our year. See the Lord in every season . We don’t have to be afraid during transitions or changes in life. Put your hope in the Lord, trust Him with every life season – then you will stay joyful and will model that same joy to your kids. That’s what our kids need the most from us as moms.

I. Rebels or Conformists?
A study shows that today's teens are less likely to rebel like the teens of the 1960s and 1970s but more likely to conform to “whatever” is happening around them (family, friends, etc.)

II. Moralistic Therapeutic Deism
From the book “Soul Searching”, studies show the #1 religion among teens is not Christianity, but Moralistic Therapeutic Deism.

A. “Moralistic”
This refers to the thought that outward behavior is the key – it doesn’t matter so much what is in the heart, but how you perform outwardly. Relates to the influence of the dictator below.

B. “Therapeutic”
This refers to the concept that kids think God is all about their happiness. Anything that makes them happy is God – when struggles come, they wonder ‘Where is God?’ or ‘he must not love me’ if I’m not happy. Relates to the 2nd type of influencer below – the rescuer.

C. “Deism”
Belief that there is a God and that God created, but He is not involved in the details of life. Relates to third influence below – the wimp.

III. Four Ways to Influence

1. Dictator
This type of influence gives us moralistic kids – it tells our kids your outward appearance is more important than your heart. This is the parent who is always more worried about appearance or performance, than what is going on in their child’s heart.

2.Rescuer
This is the parent who cannot handle seeing their child struggle. When hard things come their way, they fall apart and do all they can to “rescue” their child from the situation. Child sees parent fall apart and therefore they fall apart. The rescuing creates feelings of entitlement in children as they grow into adults.

3.Wimp
This is the parent who is just disconnected from their child’s life and not involved in the details at any level. Relates with a “deism” worldview – Parent is not involved in the details of child’s life, therefore God is not involved in the details either.

4.Macromanager
This is the influence we should use to parent our kids – its also how God parents us! This parent is a counselor, shows empathy, give choices, not giving lectures 24/7, but lets the consequence be the heavy. Pam says – you show me a mom who is more about relationship than rules, trusts God with the details of her child’s life, and you’ll see a child who embraces Jesus and the life He offers us.

IV. Influencing Boys, Influencing Girls

A. Influencing Boys
Ephesians 5:33 “However, each one of you must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.”

This verse commands us as wives to respect our husbands because that is their number one need – its how God made them and why He included it in the bible. That same attitude of respect needs to be shown to our boys too – no matter what their age. Speak words of respect over them. If you treat him like a king, he will become one!

Psalm 144:12 says “Then our sons in their youth will be like well-nurtured plants…” This verse reminds us to treat our sons with respect – treat him respectfully as you would a grown up man. They need those words of respect spoken over them. Encourage his manhood. He just wants to know that he has what it takes. He was created in the image of a warrior God – moms, let them grow up in that image.

B. Influencing Girls
Our sweet girls have a different need. Ephesians 5:33 above says for husbands to love their wives. Loved – as women we just want to know that we are loved. John and Staci Eldridge in their book “Captivating” describe women desiring to be captivating. Our girls want to know that they are captivating! That when they enter the room, that room is changed because they are there. They, like us, want to be understood, and seen, and known, especially by their daddies. Our girls are crying out to be loved and cherished. Celebrate who God has made her – notice her.

Its important also for our girls to see us taking care of ourselves. This goes back to modeling as well. Its no so much that we have a list of dos and don’ts, but that we model the behavior of good health that we want them to adapt in their own lives. The most important thing you can give your girl is to be real – let your love for the Lord and your passion for Him be real. They can usually see right through us. If you give your girl confidence in Christ – you have given her everything!

Pam also reminded us that it is a privilege to be the primary influence in our homes – thank the Lord for your family today. The family at your house is the perfect family for you – God has hand picked them to fit you. Your life is His! Invite the Lord to shine through you in your home.

Free To Be a Joyful Mother - January 13th Video Clip

2010-01-26T21:07:00.000-06:00

Free To Be a Joyful Mother -- January 13th, 2010

2010-01-19T10:45:00.004-06:00

AP JOY

I. The War
There is a war going on to steal moms’ joy. What our kids need and want the most from us is a mom that is happy – and so many things come at us daily that threaten to steal our joy. It is time as moms we realize that God is calling us to be strong in the Lord!

Judges 4:17 tells the story of a woman named Jael. Jael was the wife of Heber the Kenite. Heber had made an alliance with the evil King Sisera. Sisera’s army had just been defeated and Sisera had fled, looking for a place to hide. He showed up at Jael’s tent thinking he would be safe there. The text tells us that at first Jael welcomed him into her tent, gave him a rug to cover with, and milk to drink. As he was sleeping, we are told that Jael, Heber’s wife, “picked up a tent peg and a hammer and went quietly to him while he lay fast asleep, exhausted. She drove the peg through his temple into the ground, and he died.” Nice!? Flip over to Zechariah 10:4 and there is a reference here regarding a tent peg “From Judah will come the cornerstone, from him the tent peg…” We are told here that Jesus Christ will be the tent peg. So what does all this infer – This is the kind of strength we as moms are being called to. At the first sight of evil in our homes and families, we need to pick up Jesus Christ – our tent peg – He is calling us to be strong in Him!

What struggles are going on in your home right now? When hard things come, pick up Christ. It’s time for us to be strong – to know the scriptures to pray when evil or other storms come at our families and our kids, to know how to be prepared for spiritual battles in our home. Pam referred to Psalm 91 as a great psalm to pray when crisis comes (I might add Psalm 91:1, 911 emergency to help you remember). There are so many others. Go back through your notes and pull out the psalms over training our hands for battle, and the Lord being our refuge. These are all great to have on hand when crisis comes. It’s time for us to be strong in the Lord no matter what is going on!

Also James 1:2-4 says “Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” This verse is so encouraging when our kids are riding through stormy waters. We have to remember that hard times and hard people are in our life, and our kids lives, for a reason. God is teaching us, growing us, shaping us to be like him through all these circumstances. Joy does not depend on our circumstances. Let perseverance through these hard times perfect your child and prepare him for what lies ahead. Your children’s shining moments will not come from their success legacies, but from their “count it all joy” moments. Wherever God takes your kids, trust Him with it. Be ready with the Word, praise him in the midst, and keep your eyes on Jesus. He enables us, empowers us, and is in the boat with us. We can do nothing apart from him! 2Cor 3:5 “Not that we are competent in ourselves to claim anything for ourselves, but our competence comes from God.”

Stay free in Christ and maintain your joy – be ready to go to battle for it!

II. The Greatest Joy
Simply said 3 John 2-4 “Dear friend, I pray that you may enjoy good health and that all may go well with you, even as your soul is getting along well. It gave me great joy to have some believers come and testify to your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.” And to make it official, what is the truth? John 14:6 Jesus tells us “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.”

This is truly our greatest joy – no matter what happens or where our kids go, to know that they are walking with Jesus gives our hearts rest.

III. The Secret
The secret of having them walk in the truth is modeling in our home what that looks like. Be the mom that radiates joy, the mom that is able to walk with Jesus no matter what the circumstances, the mom that can respond to difficult circumstances with joy and freedom because her trust is in the Lord.

IV. The Battle
A very specific battle that causes us as moms to “go negative” or lose our joy is the battle of comparison. Pam says this is the #1 joy-zapper. Two ways we compare:
1. We compare ourselves to others
We look at what someone else has (clothes, houses, husbands, kids, success, special skills) and we feel less because we don’t have that. We all have our gifts and strengths that God has given us. Learn to be content with what He has given you and how he created you. Philippians 4:12 Paul tells us “I have learned to be content in any and every situation”. Trust in where God has planted you and what he has given you. Take every desire for your home, your kids, your marriage, yourself to Him in prayer.

2. We compare others to others
This is where we start comparing our kids to other kids. Same concept, same verse. Trust the Lord with the children He has given you, enjoy them. He picked you out specifically to be their mom and grow them up. Remember He is the potter and our kids are the clay.

Let your kids see a mom who LOVES the life God has given her! Go home and thank the Lord for every detail of what He has given you today.

V. Specifics

Storm Preparedness 101

2010-01-08T10:00:00.003-06:00

It has been said that you are either in a storm, just coming out a storm or there is a storm on the horizon. I am not sure I like that saying. No, in fact, I know I do not. And yet, whether I like it or not, it is true.

Jesus himself said in Matthew 5:45 that He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Yep, it seems no one is immune from trouble in this world.

Some of you reading this have found yourself smack dab in the middle of a storm.

Perhaps your storm is financial.
Perhaps your storm is relational.
Perhaps your storm is a health crisis.
As a parent I know that some of the toughest storms involve my children.

And you have found yourself in a storm desperately praying for a miracle.

Grab your bible and open to Mark 4: 34- 41.

Jesus had been teaching in the region of Galilee when He decides that He & his disciples will get in a boat, cross the sea of Galilee to go to the region of the Gerasenes. Now the Sea of Galilee is really a lake that sits in a depression that is about 700 feet below sea level. It is surrounded by hills and because of its geographical characteristics it is prone to violent and sudden storms; storms that can produce waves up to 20 feet. It was one of those storms we read about today.

Now understand – the disciples really thought this could be the end. This was a serious storm. This storm was literally rocking their world and the disciples were fighting for their lives.

But do not miss that in verse 35 we are told that Jesus had told his disciples, “Let’s go over to the other side.”

In fact in Matthew’s account of this storm, we are told that Jesus got into the boat and that His disciples followed Him.

Jesus led those disciples right into that boat and then right into that storm.

There are many reasons why we end up in storms in our lives. There are storms that result from bad decisions or choices we have made. There are storms that come from the hand of the enemy – look at Job. There are storms because we live in the broken and sinful world
And although God is NOT responsible for all of the trials we face, everything that comes our way is filtered through His fingers of love.

He may NOT cause it BUT He allows it.

And every trial can, when responded to with humility, an opportunity to grow more into His image, learn more about Him, and build trust and faith.

What I want us to see today however, is that it was by the disciples obedience in doing what Jesus told them to do; they rowed themselves right into the midst of a storm.

And here is what we need to understand: sometimes we are going to find ourselves in a storm not because we disobeyed God but because we obeyed God.

And this might be the bigger thing: You might be somewhere you wish you were not but God maybe taking you someplace that He really wants you to go.

And that may mean traveling through a storm.

So back to our Disciples…the water is coming into the boat so fast that the boat is starting to be swamped.

Several of the disciples were seasoned fishermen who had grown up on this lake. They probably did everything they could to survive the storm. They trimmed the sail, turned the boat into the wind, and started bailing. Finally they go from frantic to fearful because when they come to Christ they say “Don’t you care if we drown.”

Another translation says they said – “we are going to die.” Not we might die -- we are going to die.

So the boat is filling with water and the disciples are filling with fear.

And Jesus --what is He doing? Look at verse 38… Yep, He is sleeping.

What a contrast!

Jesus the picture of peace and the disciples a picture of panic.

Why? Jesus knew He was in the will of God and He could find peace and rest there. That is what the disciples should have been doing – resting in the fact that the Messiah was right there with them in the storm.

In 1988, the country of Armenia was shaken by a earthquake that measured 6.9 on the Richter scale. It lasted only 4 minutes; but in that short time it devastated the capital city and killed over 30,000 people. But through the devastation emerged a picture of a father’s love.

The earthquake hit during the daytime hours when the children were all in school. And once the rumbling was done this father, out of concern for his 6 year old son, took off towards his school to see if he was okay.

When he got to where the school used to be he saw it was totally flattened into a pile of rubble.
He fell to his knees and began to weep – his only child was underneath that debris.

But then he remembered a promise he made to his little boy.

You see, every day before his son left for school, this father would get down on his knees, he would hug his son, & look him in the eyes… and he would say, “Armand remember no matter ever happens, I will always be there for you.”

Those were the words he left him with every single day. “Armand I love you and remember that no matter what ever happens I will always be there for you.”

Remembering that promise he looked at the rubble and decided the approximate location of his son’s classroom and he began to dig.

Others believed it was hopeless and gave up even trying – he did not.

He just kept digging. Digging for his son stone by stone.

8 hrs passed and then 12 and then 24 hours as he worked by himself with no help from anyone else.

His hands were raw, his hands were bleeding, he was exhausted, but he absolutely refused to quit.

And finally, after 38 gut wrenching hrs, as he pulled back another boulder, he heard his son's voice say, “Daddy is that you?”

When the news spread that there were survivors at the school they started to excavate and miraculously 13 children were saved.

Can you imagine the reunion when that father grabbed that son?

Well, as they hugged, the father looked at his son, and finally asked, “Armand could you see me when I was pulling the rocks back.” To which his son responded, “No dad.”

Then the father asked, “Then Armand, how did you know it was me?”

He said, “Daddy I told all those kids after the earthquake was over, do not worry my daddy is coming. My daddy will dig us out. I knew you would do it.”

His father asked, “But Armand, how did you know?”

And Armand looked at his daddy and said, “Because you promised and told me no matter what happens, I will always be there for you.”

Jesus tells His followers remember no matter what happens I will always be there for you. I do not care how strong the wind blows, I do not care how high the waves are, I do not care how much the boat rocks, I do not care how long the storm lasts; I WILL be there with you.
He has promised, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you” (Heb. 13:5).

When you are where God has placed you, when you can look in the mirror and you know that you are right with God, even if it is in the middle of a storm you can know God is right beside you.

Here is the truth I have had to learn in my life – I heard it mentioned by a pastor once:
Safety is not the absence of troubles; safety is the presence of Jesus.

The Invisible Woman by Nicole Johnson

2009-12-29T10:21:00.002-06:00

It started to happen gradually. One day I was walking my son Jake to school. I was holding his hand and we were about to cross the street when the crossing guard said to him, 'Who is that with you, young fella?' 'Nobody,' he shrugged. Nobody? The crossing guard and I laughed. My son is only 5, but as we crossed the street I thought, 'Oh my goodness, nobody?'

I would walk into a room and no one would notice. I would say something to my family - like 'Turn the TV down, please' - and nothing would happen. Nobody would get up, or even make a move for the remote. I would stand there for a minute, and then I would say again, a little louder, 'Would someone turn the TV down?' Nothing.

Just the other night my husband and I were out at a party. We'd been there for about three hours and I was ready to leave. I noticed he was talking to a friend from work. So I walked over, and when there was a break in the conversation, I whispered, 'I'm ready to go when you are.' He just kept right on talking.

That's when I started to put all the pieces together. I don't think he can see me.
I don't think anyone can see me.

I'm invisible.

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store. Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'mon the phone?' Obviously not. No one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more: Can you fix this?
Can you tie this? Can you open this?

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, 'What time is it?' I'm a satellite guide to answer, 'What number is the Disney Channel?' I'm a car to order, 'Right around 5:30, please.' I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again.

She's going... she's going... she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well. It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself as I looked down at my out-of-style dress; it was the only thing I could find that was clean. My unwashed hair was pulled up in a banana clip and I was afraid I could actually smell peanut butter in it. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, 'I brought you this.'It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription: 'To Charlotte , withadmiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees.'

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work:
No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names.These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished.

They made great sacrifices and expected no credit.

The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.
A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tinybird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, 'Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it.' And the workman replied, 'Because God sees.'
I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, 'I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become.'

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride. I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, 'My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for threehours and presses all the linens for the table.' That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home.

And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, 'You're gonna love it there.'
As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot be seen if we'redoing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

The Invisible Woman, Nicole Johnson, 2005,Thomas Nelson Inc., Nashville, Tennessee.

Release versus Worry -- December 9th, 2009

2009-12-28T18:05:00.003-06:00

I. A Mother’s Hands
This week Pam spoke a lot about a mother’s hands. God references hands many times in the bible using the comparison between using our hands to build and to bless, or to tear down. This lesson is all about not necessarily trying harder to let go, but about trusting more, so that we as moms can have hands that are free.

Proverbs 14:1 The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears her down.

Psalm 143:4-6 Read when you feel overwhelmed – “So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; I thirst for you like a parched land.” This particular psalm is great for those days we feel overwhelmed as moms. The psalmist describes a similar feeling of feeling faint and dismayed. Notice the first thing he does is focus on the works of God’s hands, not our own chaos. When we get nervous or uptight as moms, we tend to squeeze our kids tightly rather than releasing them to let the Lord take control – a term Pam phrased as “squeezing the chicken.” When you read this psalm, remember that first and foremost God is in the midst of our messes. He tells us “I am the potter, you (your kids) are the clay.” We as moms can stretch out our arms to the Lord with our worries, so that our hands can remain free and joyful.

II. Hands that Release versus Hands that Hold Tight
a. Releasing your Children
Reminder that independence is the final goal for our children.

Psalm 127:4 “Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one’s youth.” Pam notes here that arrows are meant to be released, not stored up. This verse gives a great visual of our children as arrows, meant to be released out into the world to do God’s kingdom work.

Genesis 22 This is the story of Abraham releasing Isaac to God’s purpose for him. Releasing our children to the Lord requires that we trust the Lord with his plan for their life.

b. Releasing your Worries

Philippians 4:6-7 “Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

The Hebrew word here for worry is wargen which means to squeeze. It gives a picture of what women can do with their hands. Don’t be the mom that worries, be the mom that takes those worries over her children to the Lord in prayer.

III. Hands that Do Battle versus Hands that Fret
Our children need strong and courageous moms. These verses give the picture of how God prepares our hands for battle. We do not wield weapons as the world does, but spiritual weapons. We must pray Ephesians 6 over our kids which details out the armor of God (helmet of salvation, belt of truth, breastplate of righteousness, feet fitted with the gospel, shield of faith, and the sword of the spirit.) We are strong in the Lord because our hands have been trained for battle. We must declare that nothing is going to get past our shield of faith to reach our kids. Claim these verses over each of your children daily if you can.

Psalm 18:30-35 “As for God, his ways are perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him…It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights. He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze. You make your saving help my shield, and your right hand sustains me; your gentleness has made me great.”

James 4:2c “You do not have because you do not ask.”

Don’t hesitate to ask God for great things. Do not be the mom that frets or worries. Be strong in the Lord for our kids – let God prepare you for battle and take all your desires and concerns for your kids to him in prayer.

IV. Hands that Serve versus Hands that are Needy
Proverbs 31:13 She…works with eager hands…”

We are sent into our homes to serve our family. Much in the same way Jesus was sent not to be served, but to serve. Pam shared a story that compared motherhood to building great cathedrals. Many times, people who worked to build the beautiful cathedrals in our world, never lived to see them completed because they took so many years to complete. We as moms, are building great cathedrals too. Pray for hands that serve wholeheartedly, not expecting anything in return. Don’t be the needy mom. It may be that only Jesus will know and appreciate the service we have given in our home, but as moms that is our first and most important ministry.

V. Hands that Delight versus Hands that Squelch
Proverbs 31:13 “She…works with eager hands…” Don’t miss the opportunity to serve our kids with a spirit of delight.

VI.Hands that are Proactive versus Hands that are Reactive
Psalm 73:23-24 “Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory.”

This verse gives us a picture of the Lord taking our hand and leading us. A proactive mom will grab ahold of God’s hand while reaching back to take the hand of our kids and leading them too.

Proverbs 22:6 “Start children off on the way they should go, and when they are old they will not turn from it.”

VII. Hands that are Free versus Hands that Feel Guilty
Jeremiah 40:4a “But today I am freeing you from the chains on your wrists…”

Grace says our guilt has been paid for. We are free! Our guilt doesn’t help our family and the shackles we keep on our wrists are passed down to our kids. But so can the freedom be passed on! Start a new legacy to your kids – Praise God for the new thing he is doing in you, through you and in spite of you, and you will stay free.

Do NOT be an Innkeeper this Christmas

2009-12-20T07:24:00.003-06:00

READ: John 1:1-5; John 1:10-14

Bob Hope used to joke about how poor his family was when he was growing up. They were so poor his folks couldn't afford to buy them any toys for Christmas...

So every Christmas Eve, after everyone went to bed, his father would tear an extra page off the daily calendar they owned. When the kids came downstairs the next morning, he'd point to the calendar and say, “Look, it's December 26th. Where were you kids yesterday? You missed Christmas!”

Now of course they did not actually miss Christmas. That's just typical Bob Hope humor; but this week I read of a man who did.

Meet George Mason… George was one of those people who was so involved in his work that it was everything to him. He owned his own business and was very successful at it.

He lived alone in a beautiful penthouse apartment and preferred this solitary lifestyle. George tended to avoid celebrating Christmas...feeling he just did not have time for that sort of thing.
Well one December he refused every invitation that came to him-even one from his brother's family who had invited him to spend the day with him.

George, felt that the kids were too noisy...and besides, if he went he'd have to buy presents for all his nieces and nephews. So he planned to stay home alone on Christmas Day.

Well, on the 24th of December he put in his typical 12 hour day at the office and then after most of the employees had left work he walked into the back of his huge office vault to get a little extra cash.

He hadn't been inside too long when the vault suddenly got totally dark and he heard a click and quickly realized that the massive door had been closed securely behind him. Some employee had accidentally shut him in.

Well, he began to pound on the door. Nothing happened so in desperation he pounded harder and harder. He screamed for someone to let him out but everyone had left for the Christmas break.

No one heard him.

Well, as he stood there he remembered reading that people had been known to suffocate in vaults and his heart began to pound with fear. He wondered if there would there be enough air for 2 days! He tried to calm down & think rationally and as he did he remembered that there was a safety hole built into the vault which was too small for a burglar but big enough to allow for an adequate air supply. So, he sat down on the floor to wait out the endless hours. Christmas Eve and Day passed slowly.

He was certainly alone just as he had planned but he was uncomfortable, hungry, and very thirsty. He longed for some human companionship.

Finally, the day after Christmas, the chief cashier arrived and dutifully unlocked the vault but did not open the door. He then headed back to his desk to begin his daily work.

George pushed the door open, staggered out, and tottered to the water fountain to satisfy his terrible thirst. Grabbing something to eat, he discovered that he hadn't been missed. Nobody even bothered to ask how he had spent Christmas.

George began to ponder his life…

This inspired him to go to his desk and write these words on a card: To love people, to be indispensable somewhere, that is what is truly important! That is the secret of happiness. Beware of the barrenness of a busy life. Then he taped the card to the inside wall of the vault.

Now, George Mason's experience was pretty dramatic but he was NOT the 1st person- nor will he be the last- to actually miss Christmas.

In fact, the Bible records several individuals that were totally unaware of the true meaning of Jesus' birth.

In our scripture above, referring to Jesus coming John said: “He was in the world, and though the world was made through Him, the world did not recognize Him. He came to that which was His own, but His own did not receive Him.”

Well, just as John said: several people were actually there, or close by, when Jesus was born but their busy-ness, their selfishness, even their religion, locked them out of experiencing the greatest event in the history of all mankind.

Over the next few days, I want us to look at a few of the participants in the 1st Christmas to what we can learn so that we will NOT repeat their errors.

And the 1st group of people I want us to look at are...the innkeepers of Bethlehem.

Now, for 100’s of yrs we have talked about THE innkeeper who turned Mary and Joseph away that 1st Christmas night.

However, if we look closely we can see that the Bible does not mention an innkeeper per se it just mentions an inn. When I read Luke's account I get the mental impression that there were several inns in the area that were full that night. Every room occupied by people who- just like Mary and Joseph-had traveled to Bethlehem for the Roman census.

Bethlehem was the city of King David, so his every living descendant would have been there, which meant that this little village must have been bulging…

Crowded streets, bustling sidewalks, long lines at every restaurant...and all the hotel lobbies filled with tired travelers.

Mary and Joseph probably encountered numerous “No Vacancy” signs that night as they went from their equivalent of the Holiday Inn to the local Motel 6. With all those doors closed to them, the Bible says the best place Joseph could find for Mary to give birth was in a stable – which was likely a cave in the side of a hill that was used to quarter livestock.

So there were probably numerous innkeepers who missed taking part in the 1st Christmas, for, in their busyness they turned this weary couple away.

Do not miss that not only did they not give them a room- apparently they did not even offer to help Mary, a young mom obviously about to give birth.

Luke 2:7 says that Mary gave birth to her firstborn Son; and she wrapped Him in cloths, and she laid Him in a manger because there was no room for them in the inn.

Notice -- no midwives are mentioned...NO one to assist Mary. The Bible does not even say that Joseph was present. Surely he was, but with no experience, he would have been little help to Mary.

So she was basically on her own. Listen, giving birth alone like this was far from typical in the culture of 1st century Israel. It would have been highly unusual for a young woman to give birth alone in a stable in that land. The culture was one to surround a women with care and assistance as her time neared. Yet due to the busyness of those days, that is what happened.

G. Campbell Morgan wrote: Think of the tragedy of it, the loneliness of it; that in that hr of all hours, when womanhood should be surrounded by the tenderest care, she was alone.

So, these innkeepers and the other harried residents of Bethlehem people who might have helped didn't and in making this choice-they missed Christmas. The Son of God was born right under their noses .

The Bible does not give us indication that they were hostile or unsympathetic. No...in their hectic lives it just became a question of priority.

They didn't get together and fight to keep Jesus out. Neither did they vote Him out. They just crowded Him out.

In a very real sense our world is full of innkeepers today and I confess to you that I am often one of them.

At this time of the year we are so busy, our to do lists are so long...

In every free minute we are either shopping, decorating, sending cards, going to school activities… OR preparing to shop or decorate or send cards or attend school activities.

We literally run ourselves ragged and in so doing we tragically miss out on much of the quiet joy God intended us to experience as we celebrate the birth of His Son.

But you know, the real tragedy is that these days this busy lifestyle is not just at Christmas...we live hectic lives all year round. Our days are consumed with activity-not necessarily sinful activity; just things that keep us constantly busy.

And, the worst consequence of this hurried way of life is that we just don't make the time to stop and think and pray and enjoy the intimate relationship with God that Christmas made possible. We rarely take the time to obey Psalm 46:10 and be still and know that God is God.

John Ortberg writes, Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life... For many of us the great danger is not that we will renounce our faith. It is that we will become so distracted...and rushed and preoccupied that we will settle for a mediocre version of it.

The experience of the innkeepers should teach us all to slow down...to be sensitive enough to hear God knocking on our heart's door and open it and invite Him in...to make room for Him in our daily lives.

Wallace Purling was a 9 year old boy; big for his age. He was clumsy and a little slower mentally that his peers. When the time came for the annual church Christmas pageant, Wally liked the idea of being a shepherd and playing a flute. But, the director of the play recognized that because of Wally's imposing size, he would be able to make the innkeeper's refusal of lodging to Joseph and Mary dramatic and forceful.

So, Wally didn't get the part of a shepherd. He received instead the role of the innkeeper.

Well, he practiced his lines over and over. He was determined to do a good job. On the night of the performance he stood in the wings and watched the Xmas story unfold with fascination. At his cue, he took his place behind the door of the inn. When Joseph with Mary appeared before and knocked, Wally, the innkeeper, opened the door.

Assuming as stern an expression as he could manage, he spoke in a loud, gruff voice, “What do you want?”

“We seek lodging,” replied Joseph.

“Seek it elsewhere,” retorted Wally, The inn is filled.

But Joseph begged, “We are so tired. Please, good Innkeeper, this is my wife, Mary, and she's going to have a baby soon. Surely, you must have some place for her to rest.”

Well....Wally's brow furrowed and there was an embarrassingly long pause. From the wings the prompter whispered his cue, “No, be gone!”

Wally repeated, “No, be gone!”...but some of the power had gone out of his delivery. Then Joseph put his arm around Mary as they turned wearily away.

Wally stood there in the open doorway-his expression one of anguish. Then he did something which made this particular Christmas pageant different from all the rest. His eyes filled with tears and he cried out to Joseph and Mary, “Wait! Wait! Don't go! …you can have my room.”

Some felt that the Christmas play was ruined, but most church members thought it was the best pageant ever.

You know, life is not life as it was intended to be if we rush around so much that we don't have a place in our lives for our Creator and Redeemer.

This Christmas, do not be an innkeeper. Slow down, experience the presence of God, wonder at his beauty and magnificence and remember He is the reason for every season!

Free To Be a Joyful Mother -- November 18th

2009-11-23T13:21:00.002-06:00

EXPERIENCE VERSUS ENTITLEMENT

Pam starts out this lesson with a story from Matthew 20:20-28. Jesus has just finished asking the disciples “Who do you say the son of man is?” Peter answered, “You are the Messiah, the Son of the living God.” Jesus praised him for his faith and declares to him will be the keys to the kingdom of heaven.

At this point, Ms. Zebedee, mother of James and John who is traveling with the group, comes to Jesus with her two sons, asking a favor of Jesus to “grant that one of her two sons may sit at your right and one at your left in your kingdom.” You can imagine that Ms. Zebedee heard what Peter was given and wanted the same favor shown to her boys.

Don’t we do the same thing as moms? Don’t we also want favor shown to our children? Don’t we want them to be included just as Ms. Zebedee wanted for her two boys?

What we can learn from this scripture is that Ms. Zebedee did the right thing, she brought her desires for her boys before Jesus, laying them at his feet.. Jesus answered her “you do not know what you ask.” Jesus has that same heart for us as moms – all those desires for our children (desire to make teams, or be included, or shown favor to) He wants us to bring those desires right to Him. Lay them down at his feet. Sometimes he may answer us “you do not know what you ask”, but I do so trust me. He may be trying to grow them up by giving them experience.

James 1:2-6 says “Count it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance…”But He loves it that we do ask as He is waiting to bless our kids. Sometimes He may answer “Yes! I have that for your child too.”

All this to say, do not be fearful for your kids. Trust that the Lord has them in his hands. We don’t have to always swoop in to rescue, or manipulate situations to give them favor or popularity. All those desires for our kids are perfectly normal for moms to feel – Jesus just wants us to bring them ALL to him. Trust him with your kids. Sometimes they will struggle and its not necessarily for us to fix it, but to love them and support them through it. This lesson will help us know the difference.

I. Entitlement
Entitlement is the right to receive benefits.

II. Experience
Experience is life that happens.
A. Children must have problems to solve because our solving problems for them robs them of an opportunity to learn and grow.

B. Children must be allowed to solve these problems on their own because our solving problems for them sends them the message that they are incapable.

C. Children must be allowed to learn from the consequences of their problem-solving, whether they are successful or not because our solving problems for them given them the impression there are no consequences for poor choices.

D. Children need support from their parents as they solve problems.

III. Backpacks versus Boulders

A. How To Know the Difference
Galatians 6:2 “Carry each others burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
The word here for burdens is the Greek word for “boulders” or something heavy.
Galatians 6:5 “for each of you should carry your own load.”
The word here for load is Greek for backpack (in these times Roman soldiers would carry their rations designed just for them in their backpacks. This word load describes each soldiers responsibility to carry their backpacks>)

B. Guidelines
1. Never do something for your child they can and should do for themselves.
2. If helping causes you to feel resentful it is probably a backpack!
Notes: Ask yourself when these issues arise, “Is this a boulder for my child?” If so, respond accordingly.
Also, a note on friendship struggles with girls – many times as our girls get older, they need to see how we handle our own friendship struggles, so they can model after us. Share your struggles with your girls. This may sound something like this, “You know, I’m feeling kind of sad today because my good friend didn’t invite me to her get together. I know we are friends and she didn’t do it to hurt my feelings but its just not very fun to be left out. Will you pray for me that I remember Gods truth for me?”

C. Examples of Backpacks
Backpacks and boulders should be personalized for each child – what is a backpack for some may be a boulder for another. Remember that by running interference for our kids on backpack issues, sometimes we are blocking what God wants to do in their lives. This is not easy so get your support group of moms to help out. It takes a radical trusting in Christ and His plan for our kids.
Examples of backpacks: homework, chores, household work, friend struggles, …

D. Examples of Boulders
Physical injuries, broken relationships (esp in teen years), a major move, major disappointment

E. Dealing with Backpacks
1. Give empathy!
“That sounds so hard, I’m so sorry, You must be so frustrated…”

2. Give choices
“So what are you thinking?, What is your plan?

3. Support
“Do you want in input or counsel from me? (for a backpack issue, be careful it is only input and not help)

4. Power statement
“I can’t wait to see what you come up with, You are so amazing I know it will be great”

F. Dealing with Boulders
1. Empathy- same as above

2. Choices – same as above

3. Support “What can I do to help?”

4. Follow through and provide resources for your child – don’t let your child fall through the cracks at this point.

5. Power statement – I know you will get through this. I love you and I will be here with you. You are not alone.

IV. Chores

New Class starting January 28th

2009-11-18T09:30:00.003-06:00

Intimate Issues: Twelve Weeks to Becoming a Godly and Sensuous Wife
Thursdays, 9:30am - 11:30am
Limited childcare available ($30 or volunteer one time)

A frank and honest study on intimacy in marriage. This study will include large group teaching and guided small group discussion.

Week One: Introduction “A Fruitful Crop”
Week Two: What Does God Think About Sex?
Week Three: How Can I Be Godly and Sensuous?
Week Four: How Do I Shift into Sexual Gear?
Week Five: Microwave vs. Crockpot
Week Six: What Do I Do When I Don’t Want to Do It?
Week Seven: Where Can I Go to Buy a New Body?
Week Eight: How Can I Get Over the Guilt of Past Sexual Sin?
Week Nine: How Can I Remain Faithful in a Faithless World?
Week Ten: How Can Sex Go from Boring to Sizzling?
Week Eleven: How Can I Recapture the Passion?
Week Twelve: Celebrating the Pursuit of Intimacy

To register email dross@second.org with your name, address, phone number, email, and child's name and exact birthdate (if you need childcare). Books for this class will be available in the bookstore beginning mid-December.

Spanish Bible Study beginning in January 2010

2009-11-17T16:40:00.000-06:00

Como leer la Biblia: una propuesta metodológica

Un taller práctico donde podrás aprender técnicas y métodos de estudio que te facilitarán el entendimiento de la Palabra de Dios.

Duración: 5 semanas, comenzando el jueves 21 de Enero del 2010 de 9:30 a 11:30

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- November 4th and 11th

2009-11-15T22:35:00.003-06:00

CONSEQUENCES VERSUS LECTURE

I. The Biblical Mandate
Isaiah 30:15 ~ “In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it….Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; therefore he will rise up to show you compassion. For the Lord is a God of Justice. Blessed are all who wait for him!”

What’s happening here is the nation of Judah is getting ready to make an alliance with another nation. Something God had already told them not to do. Yet they pushed on and God is essentially saying, “OK, you think you need to flee on horses, therefore you shall flee. I’ll let you run with it for a while, but will be here waiting for you when you return broken.” This is a great example of how God parents us and how we can parent our kids. Our strength as a mom will come from our rest in the Lord. Sometimes we have to let our children make mistakes for them to feel the consequences. But we are always longing for their return to show compassion.

Luke 15:11 The parable of the prodigal son is a beautiful picture of allowing natural consequences to fall on a child. Reading through this parable we see a father who loves his rebellious son. Had the father not loved him enough to let him go his own way for a while, this son would have never “come to his senses” (verse 17). When he did the father was waiting to welcome him back. There was restoration and celebration. I would encourage you to read through this story when you have time.

II. Delivering Consequences with Empathy

A. Five Empathy Tips When Giving Consequences
1.Your tone of voice needs to be calm – this is the deal maker or the deal breaker. If you yell or raise your voice, you automatically become the focus rather than the behavior of the child being the focus.
2.Make the consequences relate to the crime
3. Make the severity of the consequences relate to the crime
4. Allow the child to disagree
5. However, if they continue to whine or disagree, additional consequences will need to be added

B. Grace vs. Judgment ~ in relation to consequences
Grace ~ I love you in spite of your actions and I forgive you, however there will be consequences. Grace restores the relationship.

Judgment ~ If you perform well I am pleased if you don’t I am not pleased and our relationship will be in jeopardy

Consequences with Empathy
(Grace)
1. Child is sad about what he did
2. Focus is on the problem
3. Child will plan a new behavior
4. Causes child to evaluate situation
5. See a good role model
6. Child sees the world as consequential
7. Solve problems by doing right
8. Encourage child to feel badly about
the behavior
9. Child learns mistakes are not unsolvable
10. Child learns self-control and confidence

Consequences with Anger
(Judgment)
1. Child is sad about what you did to them
2. Focus is on you
3. No need to change, I’ve already paid the penalty
4. Causes child to resent situation
5. See a bad role model
6. Child sees the world as controlling
7. Solve problems by not getting caught
8. Child feels badly about himself
9. Child learns mistakes are terrifying
10. Child learns controlling behavior and dependence

III. Reasonable and Natural Consequences
Natural consequences are great because they happen as a natural cause of the child’s behavior – you do not have to impose them on your child, therefore you can be in a sense the comforter or encourager. Do not feel if your child is experiencing a natural consequence (i.e., bad mark in school, poor grade due to lack of studying…)that you need to follow up with another consequence at home. Whenever possible let the consequence be the heavy – let them fall as they will.

A note about accidents – in the real world accidents still have consequences. Be sure to teach your child to help restore whatever was broken in an accident. (i.e., clean up spilled milk off the floor, wipe crayon off the wall, older child may help get estimates to fix a broken window or earn money by doing extra chores to pay for something they broke)

IV. Delayed Consequences
Consequences do not have to be immediate. For example, if your child has a poor attitude while out shopping one day, maybe she doesn’t get to go next week. “You know honey, last week you had a hard time at the store. I usually have a great time shopping with you, but last week just really was not fun for me. I think I will go alone today, but lets plan next time for you to come.”

V. Designing Consequences
A. Unique
Consequences should be unique to fit each child’s personality. Make a list for each child and complete the categories listed below to assist in designing consequences just for that child.
B. Categories
1. Things your child does not like to do.
2. Things your child likes to do that you can take away.
3. Things you do as favors for your child.
4. Things that can be exchanged like money, time or energy.
This can look something like this: “Your actions have drained me of a lot of my energy. I’m going to need you to put some of that back by going to the grocery store for me. (or doing the laundry, or mopping the floor, whatever it may be for you.)

VI. Disrespect vs. Complaining & Good Attitude vs. Bad Attitude
Allow your child to have a bad attitude once in a while. Jesus allows us to bring our bad attitudes to him – lets be that safe place for our kids.

However, disrespect is NEVER OK – it’s a deal breaker. When the bad attitude turns into disrespect towards you, a consequence should be given. Pam says whenever disrespect is spoken or shown in her home, her voice automatically gets very quiet, “You cannot talk to me that way. I’m sorry you made that choice – there will be a consequence.”

Spring 2010 Bible Study Line Up...

2009-11-08T20:53:00.007-06:00

Spring 2010 Women’s Weekday Bible Studies
Registration will begin in 2 weeks!

Tuesdays

Joy of Living – Hebrews Hall of Faith
Beginning January 19th, 2010; 9:30am – 11:30 am (Room L327)
Taught by Lisa Mahady, Ann Warren, and Sharon Scott
Large group teaching and small group discussion

Precept upon Precept – Revelation 2
Taught by Mary Ellen Canada, Rena Sartin, Eloise Latson, Pam Adams, Yvonne Glosch, Jackie Walne
Beginning January 19th, 2010; 9:30am – 11:30am (Room L313)

Wellspring -- Lord Change My Attitude Before It Is Too Late by James MacDonald
Taught by Maureen Wallace, Dawn Burt, and Sharon Evans
Beginning January 19th, 2010; 9:30am - 11:30am
Video study with small group discussion

First Place -- The Bible's Way to Weight Loss
Facilitated by Rhonda Murray
Beginning January 19th; 9:30am - 11:30am (K Bldg. 3rd Floor)

Wednesdays

Free to be a Joyful Mother with Pam Thompson (Small Fee -- $10)
Beginning January 13th, 2010; 10:00am -11:00am (Room L327)
Large group teaching by Pam Thompson

Women Under the Shadow – Boundaries
Beginning January 13th, 2010; J Parlor

Come As You Are – The Patriarchs by Beth Moore
Beginning January 20th, 2010; 6:15pm – 8:00pm (Room L321)
Video study with discussion

Thursdays

Intimate Issues – A Biblical Study about Marriage Intimacy
Taught by Gena Warner and Amy Smith
Beginning January 28th, 2010 (Room L331)

First Place PM -- The Bible's Way to Weight Loss
Facilitated by Rhonda Murray
Beginning January 21st, 2010; 6:30pm - 8:00pm

To register email dross@second.org OR call 713-365-3081.
Limited childcare is available by advance reservation only.
Workbooks will be available for purchase in the bookstore beginning mid December

Thursday Bible Study -- November 5th

2009-11-08T20:35:00.004-06:00

The Marriage Message: Philippians 2:1-11

1. Be Synchronized vs 1-2

Unite in vision, live in harmony, head in one direction. Caution: Communication Required

2. Be Selfless vs 2-4

Stop: Thinking of your self
Marriage is not about what we get but what we can give.

When I first moved to Houston, Dr. Young was doing a series entitled the 10 commandments of marriage. Commandment #1 was: Thou shall not be a selfish pig. In essence, that is what vs 2-4 are saying here. Selfishness is doing something for gain; empty conceit is searching for your own glory. Stop looking out for just yourself. Paul goes on to say, think about and come to the conclusion that my husband is more important than me. This one is hard. For when we are selfish we are at war with everyone else.

From The 10 Commandments of Marriage...Symptoms of Selfishness (Pigitis as Dr. Young calls it):
Are you a pig? You might be a pig if…
Focus on receiving rather than giving. (Do you focus on what he’s not doing or do you think about what you are doing for him?)
Impatient/self-centered vs. patient in spite of flaws (how do you respond to those things that drive you nuts? Do you nag?)
Outbursts in anger vs. responds gently and appropriately (do you shut down, blow up or work with him?)
Self protective vs. transparent and vulnerable (is your husband your best friend?)

3. Be Submitted (Servant) vs 5-11

- Submission does not mean putting the husband in the place of Christ (Piper).
- Submission does not include violating Scripture or following your husband into sin. It does not act in disobedience to God or the law.
- Submission does not mean surrendering thought. It does not mean no input on decisions or no influence on her husband. It does not come from ignorance or incompetence. It comes from what is fitting and appropriate (Colossians 3:18) in God's created order.

Vs 5 -- Submission is an attitude first before it is an action

Vs 6 -- Submission does not mean inferiority nor does submission mean you are unequal

Vs 7 -- Submission is voluntary and cannot be demanded.

Vs 7 -- Submission does not mean sitting still/doing nothing

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- October 28th

2009-11-03T09:50:00.003-06:00

CHOICES VERSUS RULES

I. Biblical Mandate for Choices
So far we have talked a lot about letting go and discovering who God is creating in our children. Even through this, we as parents are still the authority figures for our children and have to implement some boundaries. A biblical way to do that is through giving choices, while still maintaining our authority.
1. In Genesis, God in his role as parent, gave Adam choices—naming the animals, which plants and trees to eat from, etc. Joshua 24:15 says, “Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.” Scripture is full of God giving us as a people choices or free will.

2. In the new testament, Jesus told many parables involving choices. You can build your house on the rock where it will stand firm, or you can build it on the sand where the wind will blow it away – you can choose the narrow road or the wide road in life.

Instead of issuing commands, we are giving choices. God only gives us 10 commandments we are to follow, everything else is about free will. Allowing our children choices will build responsible adults and we are free to stay joyful in the process. It allows us to maintain our authority, while allowing them some independence as well.

II. Direct Choices
When as moms we can stay one step ahead by offering choices, we are able to stay joy “full”. Direct choices involves letting them choose between A or B – which do you choose a timeout or a spank? Would you rather clean your room or pay me to do? You can clean up your toys now or I can wake you up later to do it (Tip: Have a “walk through” in your home at some point each day with your children where they can pick up what belongs to them. You can also have the walk through include the car…)

III. Positive Choices
Some examples of positive choices.
A. Feel free to____________as soon as you ___________.
· Feel free to play with your friend as soon as you clean up your room.
· Feel free to come back to join us as soon as you calm down.

B. I will be happy to ___________when _________________.
· I will be happy to wash your clothes when they are in the hamper.
· I will be happy to continue driving when the arguing in the back seat stops. (This works best when you are going somewhere they are looking forward to.)
· I will be happy to push you on the swing when you put your PJ’s away.

C. You are welcome to ___________as soon as you____________.
· You are welcome to play as soon as you are nice to your sister.
· You are welcome to watch the movie as soon as you take your bath.

D. All those who ____________ get to ___________________.
· All those who follow the rules of the game get to keep playing.
· All those who brush their teeth get to choose a story.

IV. Indirect Choices
A. What do you think?
As they get older you can include them in your consequences – what do you think your consequence should be?

B. What is your plan?
This works well with homework – “Ok so you have a project due in a couple of weeks, let me know your plan to complete it and then I can stay out of your way.” Check in with them at the day they were to complete it “How did the project turn out?” If they haven’t completed it ask for their Plan B, and then if Plan B is not completed you can offer a consequence or let the natural consequence of a poor grade work on its own.

Psalm 73 -- Is God Enough?

2009-10-30T10:43:00.005-05:00

Something with in us delights when justice prevails.

A man was sitting in a roadside diner, quietly drinking a coffee, when three burly bikers walked in. They were bored & looking for something to do, so they started to pick on this guy.
They spit his coffee, harassed him, and they called him names. Meekly he finished his coffee and then finally he got up and walked out.

The three bikers, disappointed by his response said to the waitress, “He wasn’t much of a man, was he?” The waitress, looking out the window replied,“He is not much of a truck driver either, he just ran over those three motorbikes out there.”

Don't you enjoy stories with that kind of ending?! There's something inside us that says, "YES! They got what they deserved!" We like stories like this because in life we want bad people to be punished and good people to be rewarded. We yearn for justice to be done and fairness to reign supreme...but sadly enough, things don't always work out that way. In fact, it often seems that the wicked prosper while those who do good are ignored or even persecuted.

This past Sunday Leanne taught Psalm 73 to her Sunday Bible Study class, Pathfinders (room L327 at 9:30am) on the question we have all asked at one time or another "Why do good things happen to bad people?"

The psalm begins with Asaph stumbling on the slippery slope of doubt, "for I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked."

This problem had been so vexing, so disturbing that Asaph had almost lost his faith. He had almost decided that the way of the sinner was best.

I love that Asaph struggled with a question that we still struggle with today and how great that God included this psalm in his Word to encourage us when we ask the same question.

Did you know that when trouble comes into your life, or a problem occurs to you that you cannot answer, that it will either drive you toward God, or it will drive you away from God. It will either make you better or it will make you bitter.

Doubt. Everyone at some point has gone through periods of doubt.
When we doubt the future we call that worry.
When we doubt other people we call that suspicion.
When we doubt ourselves we call that insecurity.
When we doubt everything we call that cynicism.

There is no doubt-free living AND for many of us includes our spiritual life. Part of what it means to have a finite mind with a limited IQ is there will be periods where we struggle with doubt just like Asaph. In fact, the bible is full of people who struggled with doubt - Jacob, Job, Jeremiah, Martha, Peter, Thomas...the list could go on.

As Phillip Yancey puts it: “God appears far less threatened by doubt than does His church.”

You see with in the Body of Christ there is a misunderstanding about doubt and unbelief. Many misguidedly believe that it is sin to doubt. Unbelief is a sin; unbelief is in direct opposition to faith but doubt is not. Doubt does not indicate a lack of faith, but a state of ‘qualified faith”
As someone once wisely said, doubt is a sincere question whereas unbelief is the unwillingness to hear the answer. You see, doubt can be used by God to reveal the shallowness of your faith so that He can deepen it.

God is able to handle our doubts. So the real question becomes what do we do in a season of doubts or when we are struggling with the iniquity of life?

1. Pour it out to God.
Verse 4-12 Asaph is telling God of his doubts, he pours it out of his heart "...this is what the wicked are like--always free of care, they go on amassing wealth." I encourage you to read through this psalm and note the way Asaph doesn't hold back his doubt from God. He's essentially saying, "Look God, they prosper, I suffer. I am doing all that you have asked me to do - I am trying to walk this walk. None of this lines up with what I thought the Christian life would be like."
Leanne reminds us that sometime we misinterpret the goodness of God. We equate goodness with blessings. We forget God is molding us into His image - He is the potter, we are the clay. Sometimes lumpy clay needs a lot of squeezing to come out smooth.
God is never surprised by our doubts, so take them to Him.

2. Get the ETERNAL picture.
Verses 16-20 "When I tried to understand all this, it troubled me deeply till I entered the sanctuary of God; then I understood their final destiny."
As Asaph entered the sanctuary and took his focus off the world around him and placed it on God above, his perspective has changed. He remembers that God see the BIG picture and all we see is a tiny speck of that final destiny. We serve a God who is slow to anger and merciful. You can almost feel his heart softening as this psalm progresses on...

3. Confess.
This is where it comes back to you and to me, as it came back to Asaph.
Verse 21-22 "When my heart was grieved and my spirit embittered, I was senseless and ignorant; I was a brute beast before you." When Asaph confesses his own heart, he is able to see the fullness of the God he serves.

4. Remember.
Asaph remembers God in his life - "Yet I am always with you; you hold me by my right hand. You guide me with your counsel, and afterward you will take me into glory." He remembers how he has always had the protection and promise of God, and how one day he will have the glory of God. He remembers his temporal existence in an eternal life.

The psalmist finishes with this "My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." To Asaph, he realizes despite his doubts that God is his everything. All that he has may fail, but he will still have God.

Leanne asks that same question of us and now I share it with you, "Is God enough?" If he never changes your circumstances, or gives you the things you are asking --is God enough?

Can you say God is enough for you?
Is God enough, if your circumstances do not change?
Is God enough if you health does not improve, if you do not get better?
Is God enough if the challenges in your marriage do not work out quickly?
Is God enough if you lose your job, lose your savings, lose your house?
Is God enough if your dream never becomes a reality?

This verse smacks the prosperity gospel right in the face!

But for too many of us “enough” is God PLUS what ever else we want.
Listen, this doubt issue, this "life is not fair, what about me?"...It is focusing on the gift not the giver, on the blessing not the blessor, on the comfort not the comforter

Bottom line: Asaph's problem was he had taken his eyes off the Savior and had focused them on the sinner. You see, if you will count up the words "them, their, and they" in the initial verses of this Psalm you will discover these words are used no less than 15 times. Verse 3 we are told Aspah "saw" the prosperity of the wicked and was envious.

The change happened when he refocused on God….reread vs. 26 "My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my Portion forever." This is the anthem of a soul satisfied in God. There is nothing I desire on earth but you God. You could take away my_________ (you fill in the blank) and You would still be enough.

She concluded with this clip from John Piper's prosperity gospel - it is powerful and will leave you with something to think about this week.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PTc_FoELt8s

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- October 21st and 28th

2009-10-27T10:52:00.004-05:00

DISCOVERY VERSUS EXPECTATION

I. Definitions
A. Expectation – the belief that something specific will happen, or that someone or something will come through
Proverbs 10:28 “The prospect of the righteous is joy, but the hopes (Hebrew word for expectation) of the wicked come to nothing.”
B. Expectancy ~ the hope or anticipation that something specific will happen, or someone will come through
Micah 7:5-8 “But as for me, I watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Savior; my God will hear me.”
C. Discovery~ uncovering of something you have been expectant for
Proverbs 2:1-6 “My son, if you accept my words and store upmy commands within you, turning yoru ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding—indeed, if you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding, and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom; from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.”

Expectation almost always leads to disappointment because it involves only our hopes for our kids. Expectancy is hope or anticipation of what God will do in our kids lives – it removes us from the equation and allows God to work as He will in their lives. Expectancy frees us to anticipate the discovery of who our child is and what the Lord will do with their life. Pam encourages us to tell our kids as often as we can “I love who you are and I can’t wait to see what God has for you in this life because it is going to be great.” Embrace and love who they are and enjoy the discovery of what God is creating in them.

II. Traps of Expectation

A. Performance Trap~ I must meet certain standards to feel good about myself. This leads to either a). a fear of failure, or b.) pride (Your whole attitude is set on what you do and how well you do it)

B. Approval Trap ~I must have the approval of certain people to feel good about myself. This leads to fear of rejection and insecurity. Galations 1:10 “Am I now trying to win human approval or God’s approval? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.” The focus here is on other people.

C. Blame Trap ~ Blames others for their mistakes. Coping mechanism used because caught in performance or approval trap. It’s never their fault. Romans 8:1 “Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, “

D. Shame Trap ~ Blames self for their circumstances, lives in constant shame. Another coping mechanism used because caught in performance or approval trap. Romans 8:1 also

II. Areas of Discovery
Opportunities to discover our children

A. Academics
God can lead through grades – do not let that be the end all. Encourage your child to work hard and do their best, but don’t expect them to be an academic scholar if that’s not who God has made them to be.

B. Sports
Expose your child to many different things as they are young and see if any of them stick. As they are older, they should be able to choose one or two they want to focus on. We want the desire to come from within, not from a desire to please or meet expectations.

C. Social/ Extra-Curricular
This can be tricky if you are the mom who loves being out with friends, always having fun, always doing something – and you have a child who really just wants to be home. Same goes for the mom who wants to be home with the child who is more of an otter type personality. Either way, stretch yourself to meet your child where they are. If you are the mom who likes to be home and you have a sanguine child – get out with your kiddo, plan fun things, let them see you having fun with them. Opposite is true also, if your child enjoys being at home – embrace that, too, and give them that time home playing they are needing.

D. Spiritual
Enjoy the time when your kids are little and they soak up all you can give them about Jesus—read them stories, talk with them about Jesus—make the most of it. Many times when they his “slouch-down” or the teen years, they don’t want much to do with their bible or Jesus. It’s important during these years not to force it into their hearts, but to continue to model your relationship with Christ and continue to love well. As our kids are older, they need to see some authenticity coming from you.

Leaving A Godly Legacy -- Part 2

2009-10-23T15:55:00.004-05:00

So the question you and I need to be able to answer is this: what legacy do you want to leave? In our materialistic world, mention the word legacy, and we often think monetarily. Moms, the greatest legacy that you will leave on this earth is not money, or achievement, or possessions…. The greatest legacy is your children.

Psalm 127: 3-5 Sons are a heritage from the LORD, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

This verse is a snapshot of how God looks upon our children.

But the reason we have settled in this scripture is because I want you to notice the word “arrow”. We are told that children are like arrows in the hands of a warrior. When Solomon wrote these verses arrows were made by hand. Archers would spend countless hours preparing their arrows. They carefully choose the right piece of wood, cut it precisely to size, then spend hours polishing, and fitting the feathers and balancing the arrowhead. As a result of the investment of time and resources, they would never waste the arrow and just shoot it in the air; they would shoot it at a very specific target.

I love the analogy that is used here and really it has several lessons on value of children & discipline…But what I want you to notice is that to leave a Godly legacy as parents requires positive clear cut objectives for our children.

It is like going on a trip. You are not going to get anywhere if you do not know where you are going OR you are going to end up somewhere you NEVER intended to in the first place.

We have to have an idea of what exactly we are aiming for. As parents we are to take our children and mold them and prepare them so that when they are released, when they go out into the world on their own, they hit the bull’s eye.

So, if you were to look forward and imagine your child in 10, 20, 30 years…what kind of legacy would you like to see?

Any of us who have been around church for anytime know to say the noble thing about our children growing up to have a tender heart for God but as parenting expert Tim Kimmel in his book Raising Kids For True Greatness says:

What happens when the actual target of our parenting priorities is scrutinized is that what often shows up is that, although we are followers of Christ, we are also products of a western mindset.

Ohhhh, it is a contagious mindset.

Oh yes, we want moral kids who love the Lord, BUT we also want to raise kids that are successful, and do well financially, and create a name for themselves. And what happens as parents is that we get caught up in this world view, this trap of raising children for success.

We may NOT say that those are our priorities in such an obvious way but look at our choices for our children’s time, our emphasis on their performance, our concern with how they compare to the other kids on the team or in their class. Well, it becomes obvious what we value.

There is nothing wrong with encouraging your children to get good grades, or to participate in sports, music, dance… There is nothing wrong with wanting them to be all that God gifted them to be…that is a noble and right desire for any mom.

But it was never supposed to be about their being the best BUT doing their best.

Parenting the Lord’s way is about having your child discover what God desires for their lives and how he has gifted them. It is about helping them understand that one day they will be held accountable on how they have used the gifts that have been entrusted to them not by you but by the Lord. It is teaching them stewardship.

1 Peter 4:10-11: Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering God's grace in its various forms. If anyone speaks, he should do it as one speaking the very words of God. If anyone serves, he should do it with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen.

To Be Continued Monday….Playing the Comparison Game

Leaving a Godly Legacy – Part 1

2009-10-22T22:34:00.005-05:00

A few years ago, I (Leanne) went home to visit my parents. While there I was out shopping with my husband, Rob, when I saw a woman at the mall that looked like the mother of a dear friend of mine from childhood.

I had not seen my friend, or her mother, in at least 20 years. So I excitedly tapped Rob on the shoulder and said, "I think that is the mom of a girl I went to school with over there…" And as I charged on over, as I got closer, I realized that it was NOT the mother of my friend BUT my friend, herself.

It was close to being a very awkward moment to say the least. You see, I thought it was her mom because she had morphed into her mom’s very image from 20 years ago… And as I thought about leaving a legacy, I thought really is that not what we are all doing? We are just slowly turning into our parents -- every last one of us.

When you get into the car today, flip that visor down, look in that mirror, and THERE THEY ARE, staring right back at you… whether you want to admit it or not.

For some of you it is NOT just appearance. How many of us have had someone say, you sound just like your mom, or you sound just like your dad. Or, how many of you have said something to your children, perhaps in the heat of disciplining, and thought I sounded just like my parents right now.

Legacy – that which is passed from the previous generation to the next. Everyone of us has received one, lives one, and gives one.

The question is not whether you will leave a legacy but what that legacy will be.

Proverbs 13:22 A good man leaves an inheritance for his children’s children...

1 Corinthians 3:12-14 . 12 If any man builds on this foundation using gold, silver, costly stones, wood, hay or straw, 13 his work will be shown for what it is, because the Day will bring it to light. It will be revealed with fire, and the fire will test the quality of each man’s work. 14 If what he has built survives, he will receive his reward. 15 If it is burned up, he will suffer loss; he himself will be saved, but only as one escaping through the flames

Continued Tomorrow….

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- October 14th

2009-10-20T08:24:00.003-05:00

Understanding versus Condescension

I. Understanding

A. Hebrews 4:15-16 “For we do not have a high priest who is unable to empathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet he did not sin. Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

B. “Sumpatheo”~ the Hebrew word for “sympathize” or “empathy,” meaning with them in suffering. We have a God who sympathizes with our weaknesses, so why can’t we understand our children’s weaknesses in the same way.

Genesis 16 tells of Hagar, who has run into the desert to cry after her son Ishmael is mistreated. The angel of the LORD (this one is Jesus) found Hagar and comforted her – Hagar says “You are the God who sees me.”

Whatever is going on in your home, believe that the Lord is present to our situation – He sees what is happening, the hurt or brokenness you are feeling, the frustration with the toddler who just will not sleep, the teenager who will not obey. Be comforted and know that our God sees. In this same way that he tenderly sympathizes with us, we need to strive to sympathize with our kids. Let them know, “I know it must be hard. I get it. What are you thinking about this?” Be their soft place to fall by sympathizing with their mistakes or weaknesses.

II. Condescension

A. 1 Peter 5:2-3 “Be shepherds of God’s flock that is under your care, watching over them—not because you must, but because you are willing as God wants you to be; not pursuing dishonest gain, but eager to serve; not lording it over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock.”

B. “Katakurieuo”~ the Hebrew word for “lording it over”
Condescension is the opposite of empathy or sympathy – it means to look down on someone. Pam points out that it is so easy to remind our kids of things they should do or how they should act just because they are “good Christian kids”, when what they really need rather than having mom or dad look down on them for a wrong behavior, is to see those behaviors lived out in our own lives.

III. Reflecting Understanding or Empathy

Empathy is the process of understanding and reflecting your child’s feelings and thoughts. This does not necessarily require pity or a lecture, and definitely does NOT require you to agree or condone their actions. But, it does require you to put your own feelings, reactions, or opinions on hold while you put yourself in your child’s shoes.

Pam's tip: Never act surprised when your kids tell you something because fear of your reaction may keep them from coming to you next time. Let your consequences be the heavy and you are free to be understanding and empathetic.

IV. The Developmental Stages
(in terms of empathy~understand where they are at developmentally)

a. Infant/ Toddler Stage (0-2)
The key to this stage is bonding. Their environment is their reality and any changes in that environment can alter their behavior for good or for bad.

b. Preschooler Stage (2-6)
Children in this stage are trying to figure out ‘Who am I apart from you?’ This is the time when separation anxiety may set in with a child who has ordinarily been secure. Boundaries are important. In this stage, their perception is their reality~make believe or pretend play is a part of this stage. As a parent, understanding these stages can help us empathize with where our children are coming from.

c. Elementary School Stage (6-12)
Children this age are asking the question “How do we get along together?” Everything is black and white in their eyes; sibling rivalry is common in these stages; Their reality is reality; they need to see you are in control and are empathetic with them; they want everything to be fair.
A note on everything being fair – everything does not have to be fair. We should celebrate each others blessings.

Read John 21: 19-20 where Peter is essentially telling Jesus “its not fair.” Jesus response to John is this “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.” He is basically telling Peter “take John off your list” or “take your brother off your list. You listen to me.” It’s a great lesson to teach our kids not to compare and be content with what God has given them.

b. Teenage Stage (13-18+)
These years, they come back to boundaries which we will discuss in depth in the weeks coming up. They are learning who they are apart from mom and dad. It is vital that they go through this phase successfully in order to come out on the other side independent and confident. They are screaming for boundaries from parents who are empathetic of what its like to be a teenager. Don’t forget what it was like for you during those years.

Video: Free to Be a Joyful Mother

2009-10-17T10:08:00.004-05:00

Pam Thompson
Wednesdays
10-11am
Room L327
Second Baptist Church -- West
To register email: ljamieson@second.org

2009-10-17T08:46:00.001-05:00

Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- September 30th

2009-10-09T07:53:00.005-05:00

This week, Pam Thompson continued with her lesson on "Influence versus Control".

She gave 10 tips God shares with us from Genesis about the "perfect parent".

1. God is THE perfect parent, but look at us -- we still mess up. Give yourself some grace. God's mercies are new every day.

2. God is perfectly relational. Genesis 3:8 "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day..." God came and walked in our world, He sent his Son to walk in our world - He is perfectly relational. Go to your child's world - get down on the floor and play blocks, eat lunch outside in the fort. God came to our world and our kids need us to go to theirs too!

3. God gave his children responsibilities. Genesis 1:28 "God blessed them and said to them, 'Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground." Our children are never too young to take on some responsibility no matter how small the task.

4. God gives children choices.

a. Genesis 1:29 "The God said, 'I give you every seed bearing plant on the face of the earth and every tree that has fruit with seed in it. They will be yours for food.' ". God created this whole world and gave it all to us to enjoy and care for. He is a YES God - Be a YES parent. Obviously, there are things we have to say no to...but whenever possible say YES. YES to painting and play-doh, yes to building a fort with the freshly washed sheets, YES to helping make dinner or dessert, YES to extra sprinkles on the cupcake. Don't miss those opportunities to be a YES mom as God is to us with the world He created.

b. God gives his children opportunities to make decisions. Genesis 2:9, 16-17 "The Lord God made all kinds of trees grow out of the ground...and the Lord God commanded the man 'You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat of it you will certainly die.' " Give your children opportunities to make decisions - do you want to do your homework now or have a snack and maybe start it in 45 minutes? Do you want to use the red or the blue toothbrush? It accomplishes the same goal, but allows them to feel they have some control over the decision. God gives us choices even though we don't always choose as He would.

5. God sets boundaries. Genesis 2:9, 16-17 Notice in the verse above, God set the boundary by saying "do not eat of the tree of knowledge of good and evil". However, its interesting to note that God didn't hoist the tree up out of their way to be sure they couldn't eat of it.

6. Let your children fail and stay calm. Genesis 3:8-9 "Then the man and his wife heard the sound of the Lord God as he was walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and they hid from the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, 'Where are you?'. God is totally omniscient and omnipresent - he knew that his children were about to disobey and yet he didn't swoop in and rescue them. He allowed them to fail. After Adam and Eve had eaten of the tree, God didn't come storming in throwing out threats and punishments. He casually walked through the garden asking "Where are you?" God knew right where they were - but he remained calm asking "where are you? hows it going here?"

7. When mistakes are made, show empathy. Again, God came in with a gentle hand knowing the consequences they were about to receive would be hard.

8. Give consequences, not a lecture. God gave the ultimate TIME-OUT! He took Adam and Eve out of the garden for them never to return. He didn't lecture them, just lovingly pushed forward with firm consequences.

9. Allow them to have that same task in which they made a bad choice--over again. Often times, our kids will rise to the occasion when given the opportunity to have a "do over".

10. Encourage them to be dependent on God and independent of mom and dad. Genesis 2:24 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh."

This Wednesday (October 14th), Pam will begin her lesson on

"Understanding versus Condescension."

We hope to see you there!

It is beginning to look a lot like Christmas...

2009-10-08T21:35:00.004-05:00

Celebrations Christmas Market 2009 is just around the corner, oh yes it is!
We are busy with last minute preparations for this much anticipated annual event. We have over 100 vendors from all over the state of Texas who are selling hand-crafted pieces, Christmas collectibles, extraordinary jewelery, scrumptious gourmet treats, unique home accents and much more....
In addition, returning to the market this year, is the seasonal plant sale by Brookwood Community, Katy Christian Ministries sponsored pictures with Santa, and children's silhouettes will be captured with the help of the Pregnancy Help Center.

Join us Friday, November 6th and Saturday, November 7th from 9am - 5pm. Admission is free!

Free To Be a Joyful Mother -- September 16th

2009-09-17T10:22:00.001-05:00

On Wednesday, September 16th, Pam Thompson began her series on "Free to Be a Joyful Mom" with a lesson on Joy vs. Frustration.

"This is the day the Lord has made. I will rejoice and be glad in it."

There can be no greater source of joy than our children - on that same note, there can be no greater source of frustration than our children. How do we balance the two? How do we rejoice even when the days home with our kids can seem long and frustrating? It is so easy to fall victim to a bad attitude and a "poor me" mentality.

Pam offers a reminder - Go to the refuge! The Lord is our refuge. He is our refuge when we rejoice over our accomplishments as a parent, and He is our refuge when we find ourselves overwhelmed and burdened with worries for our kids. But here is the good news? We were never meant to carry the burdens of motherhood or our children - the Lord is the burden bearer and He will take those from us if we willingly give them to him. When we trust God to carry our worries and concerns, we are free to be the confident and courageous mom our kids need. In order for us to be a refuge for our kids, we have to let the Lord be a refuge for us. Psalm 5:11-12 says "But let all who take refuge in you be glad; let them ever sing for joy. Spread your protection over them, that those who love your name may rejoice in you. Surely, Lord, you bless the righteous; you surround them with your favor as with a shield."

Our kids need a mom who will not be shaken. Listen to Proverbs 14:26 "Those who fear the Lord have a secure fortress, and for their children it will be a refuge." We can be that refuge and joy for our kids when we learn to take our worries and burdens to the Lord and let Him be our refuge. God wants us to delight in our children - don't miss this day that the Lord has made!

Choose joy and let the Lord be your refuge.