Free To Be A Godly Wife

Joy in the Foxhole


“Happily ever after”…you’ve heard of it. As women, I think there is a part of us who expected to get married and be living our own “happily ever after.” The wedding comes and goes, little ones may enter the picture, life gets busy – and we find ourselves “in the foxhole” of marriage. This is definitely not where we had planned to be - we look at our husband and he is definitely not the prince charming we remember marrying – we look in the mirror and we are not quite the princess we remember feeling like on our wedding day. There is hope and there can be joy in the foxhole if we can diffuse a few bombs that can go off when we find ourselves in the foxhole.

Bomb #1 Misplaced Expectations

The myth of completion
We may enter marriage believing that this is the person who will complete us – this is when life really begins – only to soon find out that couldn’t be farther from the truth. The bible tells us that marriage is 1 whole person joining with 1 whole person to equal 1. In earthly terms, that is impossible. That is what Paul meant by the “mystery of marriage.” It takes two well defined people to create a whole marriage – how are you doing on your wholeness? Are you counting on your spouse to fill every need that you have?

Needs vs. Expectations
We all have 5 basic needs – love, acceptance, identity, security, and purpose. Many times we enter marriage expecting our husbands to carry our needs bag – which by the way can be really heavy. At some point, he will drop it. It’s a guaranteed part of his human-ness. God did not create him to be able to carry and meet every need that you have, so let him off the hook. Allow the Lord to meet those needs and fill the God-designed hole He left in your heart just for Him.

Expectations are just as likely to send our marriages into the foxhole. When we expect our spouse to behave, speak, love in a certain way – there is no room for thankfulness when he does rise to the occasion. It creates a debt to debtor relationship, like keeping a tally on what he has done right.

The battle plan: Give thanks in everything, especially that this is the spouse the Lord has picked just for you. Allow the Lord to fill those basic needs and let your husband off the hook. Take your desires for your marriage to Him and let Him renew and restore your marriage.

Bomb #2 Misplaced Control

Worry – Manipulation – Anger – Bitterness
As women we have a deep desire to control. What we forget is that control is an illusion. Many times we get caught in the cycle of control.

First we worry. Then if it doesn’t work our way, we may manipulate the situation with our words or actions. If that doesn’t work, we get angry. Again, trying to control the situation or our husband. Finally that leads to bitterness and what an “un-fun” place to be for lack of a better word. Have you ever met someone whose heart was so bitter, that it affected their whole facial expression? I don’t think we want to end up there. So we have to let go of the control.

Battle Plan: Put the control back in the Lord’s hands. Life change does not come through human power or control, but Holy Spirit power. Pray that Christ’s power may rest on you. 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 “My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weakness, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, you are strong.”

Bomb #3 Misplaced Priorities (those things you value most)

Limits and loads
There is a difference between your limit and your load. If you find yourself multi-tasking so much that you are stressed and overwhelmed most of the time, you have probably gone way past your limit.

There has to be some margin built into your life. Margin on our paper is what allows us room for error – margin in our life does the same thing. Margin is where our Christianity, our motherhood, and our marriages are lived out. If your life is packed so full that there is no room for error, you have to stop and re-prioritize with room left for margin.

Our biblical priorities should be God, husband, children, self, others. If you keep expanding your life, you will miss the joy in the foxhole.

Battle plan: Our biblical priorities should be God, husband, children, self, others. If you keep expanding your life, you will miss the joy in the foxhole.

There really can be joy in the foxhole!

Trust the Lord with all your needs and bring him your desires for your marriage. Let go of the control and allow the Holy Spirit to change you from the inside out. Put some margin back into your life by re-prioritizing your days. “The enemy seeks to steal, kill, and destroy, but Jesus Christ comes to give life and give it abundantly.” Walk in that promise today ladies. Victory has been won! Its ours to claim so lets claim it!