Free To Be A Joyful Mother -- February 10th

ADVANCED PLACEMENT – CHOICES

What our goal is for our kids is independence – we need to prepare them to be responsible adults. The whole concept behind offering choices begins at an early age. As they grow up, those choices begin more broad (like a “V”). By the time they get to high school, we should be letting them figure it out. With every birthday, comes increased choices and increased responsibility. Embrace letting your child fail a bit while they are still under your watchful eye.

I. Three Types of Choices
1. Direct
a. Never give a choice that could cause a problem for you or someone else
b. Only give two – each of which is “ok” with you
c. If child can’t decide, choose for him.
d. Choices need to reflect your value system – direct your children in your values
2. Positive choices – Maintain a “yes” attitude
3. Indirect choices – Asking your child “What do you think?” How do you think you should solve that problem? This gives them validation.

II. The job of a parent is to guide her children to independence by helping them to
a. KNOW themselves
b. LIKE themselves
c. Realize their purpose and find satisfaction from it by making responsible choices.

III. Why Choices Work
a. Choices create situations in which children are forced to think.
b. Choices provide children the opportunity to make mistakes and learn from the consequences.
c. Choices help parents avoid getting into control battles with their children.
d. Choices provide our children with opportunities to hear that we trust their thinking abilities, thereby building their self-esteem as they become more responsible.
e. Choices give our children the freedom to seek the Lord regarding their own decisions.

Psalm 25:12-13 “Who then are those who fear the Lord? He will instruct them in the way they should choose. They will spend their days in prosperity, and their descendants will inherit the land.”

The Lord comes for the hearts of our children. It is the Lord who shows our children the way they should go and which way they should choose, just as He does for us. We need to point our kids to the Lord as they learn to make their own choices. “I can’t wait to see where God leads you with this.” “I don’t know the best option, but what a great opportunity to see what God shows you with this.”

IV. The Story of Rebekah – Genesis 27
Rebekah’s two sons were Jacob and Esau. Rebekah had received word from the Lord that her youngest, Jacob, would receive the birthright, rather than her oldest son Esau. Rebekah sees that her husband is getting old, so she tricks Isaac into giving Jacob the birthright. Esau gets angry and so Rebekah sends Jacob away to her brothers house.

Sometimes in our attempts to get the blessing for our own children, we will do anything especially if we feel this is God’s purpose for our child. Instead of letting God do His thing, we end up pushing our child away. Rebekah did help Jacob receive the birthright, but she never saw her son again. We need to send the message to our kids to “Trust the Lord, more than me.”

V. Questions

Examples of Choices:
“Do you want to wear your coat or carry it?”
“Do you want to clean the garage this weekend or next weekend?”
“Have you finished your chores today or do you need an extra day?”
“Do you want peas or carrots for your vegetable?”
“Do you want to read one book or two books at bedtime tonight?”
“Can you stay with us and stop whining or do you need to go to your room for a while?”
“Do you want to put your PJ’s on the normal way or do you want me to time you?”
“Are you going to stop arguing or pay me to listen to it?”
“Do you have time to brush your hair or do you feel great about it?”